


Over the Rainbow

by robinwritesallthefanfiction



Category: Peace Love & Misunderstanding (2011)
Genre: Age Difference, Anxiety, Arrest, Body Image, Break Up, Breastfeeding, Car Accidents, Childbirth, Come Swallowing, Death, Drinking, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fanart, Nudity, Oral Sex, Pregnancy, Romance, Self-Insert, Series, Skinny Dipping, Tantric Sex, Unsafe Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-19 19:36:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9457592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinwritesallthefanfiction/pseuds/robinwritesallthefanfiction
Summary: Robin Ballard vacations in Woodstock and meets Jude Fisher, who turns out to be the man of her dreams. But can she let go enough for them to have a chance at love?





	1. A Land That I Heard Of

**Author's Note:**

> The cover for this story was made for me by [MagiKat409](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MagiKat409).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin has a surprising first meeting with Jude in Woodstock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fanart featured in this chapter was drawn for me by [crossthegoldendelta](https://crossthegoldendelta.tumblr.com/).

I’m stuck in a car with my mother, my two aunts, my grandmother, and my great-aunt.

We’re driving to Woodstock. Suddenly it’s a place they claim they’ve always wanted to visit.

The fact that they all seem to agree on something should give me pause more than anything else. They rarely get along.

I honestly think it’s just an excuse to get me to go on a trip. It’s been years since I visited my mother, and even longer since I’ve seen the rest of them.

Though that still doesn’t adequately explain their choice of destination. I’ve never particularly wanted to visit Woodstock. At least I’m a liberal. They’re certainly not. Maybe they think the town will appeal to my political sensibilities.

I know what people would say if they could hear my thoughts. I should be happy that I have a big family. I should be happy that my family wants to see me. I should be happy that they put so much effort into planning a holiday for all of us.

But I’m not happy. I know that it won’t be long before this vacation turns into a massive critique of my life. They’ll go over what I’ve done wrong, which is everything, and how I could have fixed it if I had just listened to them. They’ll tell me what I have left to do and how to do it right. They’ll reminisce about everything I might have done if I had only been prettier, smarter, or more athletic than I am. Ultimately, this whole excursion is just a front so they can tear me down and build themselves up.

If I could have refused, I would have. But I’ve finally run out of excuses, and I’ve never been brave enough to tell them the truth.

So here I am, in a rented car, on my way to a rented cabin, obligated to spend the next two weeks with my family whether I like it or not.

What have I gotten myself into?

****

We don’t linger at the cabin long once we arrive, thank goodness. It’s a beautiful day, and everyone wants to go shopping and stock the kitchen. I don’t mind; it might give me some time to get away.

When we get to town, there’s some sort of protest going on. My mother is immediately leery; she takes my grandmother’s arm and leads her to the nearest store. She tries to grab me too, but I wave her away, promising to catch up.

It’s Woodstock, right? I should get the feel for the place, since I’m here.

I wander through the little square in the center of town, looking at the signs. The people holding them smile and wave as I walk by, and for some reason, I can’t resist smiling and waving back. Maybe it’s just being in a place where no one knows me.

Being able to escape the person I feel like I’m supposed to be is nice, even if it’s only for a little while.

As I’m lost in my thoughts, a deep voice speaks behind me. “Would you like to sign the petition?” it asks. I turn to look for whoever the voice belongs to and respond, but when my eyes finally find him, I can’t form words for a moment.

He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.

His dark brown hair is tousled, and his hazel eyes are warm as he grins at me. He has a full, thick beard that matches his hair; it’s streaked through with silver and not doing anything to hide his incredible dimples. The first few buttons of his plaid shirt are undone, revealing an alluring trail of curls that must continue down his chest.

“Wow.” The word escapes me before I can stop it, and then I’m blushing madly. Why did I let myself say that?! I mean, it’s the only word that does him justice, but I didn’t need him to know!

He chuckles, biting his lip and raising his eyebrows playfully. He’s looking at me expectantly, clutching a clipboard in one hand. His other hand is in the pocket of his loose, worn jeans.

I should probably stop staring at him and say something before he decides that I’m a total idiot. He asked me a question, right? What was it?

I shake my head to clear it. “I’m sorry. What?” I stammer nervously, completely embarrassed. His grin gets bigger, but I get the distinct impression that it’s not at my expense. He just seems happy.

“Would you like to sign the petition?” he repeats. “To bring our troops home?”

“Oh!” I reply. I mean, I should have guessed, right? “Of course.” He hands me the clipboard and a pen and I sign my name. My cheeks are still hot. I don’t know why I’m reacting like this; a man who looks like he does would never be interested in me, and I’ll probably never see him again after today anyway.

He takes the clipboard back. I smile anxiously, starting to move away, but he slips his hand out of his pocket and grabs my wrist gently. I look at him in surprise. Does he want something else?

“Got somewhere to be?” He’s still grinning, and his dimples are completely distracting. Normally I get defensive and brush guys off; I’ve been hurt enough to not want to take chances anymore. But I feel disarmed, and instead find myself answering him truthfully.

“Not really.” I’m certainly in no rush to get back to my family, but I didn’t come here to spend time with strangers either. “But I don’t want to bother you while you’re trying to collect signatures,” I admit sincerely, gesturing at the clipboard.

He laughs. He’s adorable when he laughs, I notice. His eyes crinkle and light up as he scrunches his face together. I’m having a hard time deciding how old he is because his features are severely throwing me off.

“Everyone here signed a long time ago. You’re the first new signature I’ve gotten in months,” he confesses, prompting me to laugh along with him. He slips his hand down and intertwines our fingers, and I find myself letting him. He’s so genuine that I’m having a hard time feeling cautious. “I haven’t seen you around here before,” he adds. “I hadn’t heard of anyone new moving into town.”

“Oh, I don’t live here,” I reveal a little regretfully. “My family and I arrived this morning. We rented a cabin out by the lake for two weeks.”

“That’s great! The lake is beautiful.” He pauses. “Two weeks, huh? That’s plenty of time to get to know someone. Think you’ll be able to get away once in a while?” His eyes sparkle hopefully and I find myself just staring at him once more.

Is he serious?

“Why?” I blurt out, squeezing my eyes shut immediately after I say it.

Why can’t I control my mouth?

When he touches my face, I open my eyes slowly to look at him, hoping that I don’t seem like the proverbial deer in the headlights. He’s standing very close to me; I can feel the warmth radiating from his body, and when I take a breath, his scent surrounds me. I smell wood and wood stain and natural musk; for some reason, I find it soothing.

He bites his lip again, the clipboard clutched between his elbow and his side while his thumb strokes my cheekbone. “Because I like to get to know new people,” he teases. “What’s your name, new person? I’m Jude Fisher.”

I’ve blushed more in the few minutes I’ve spent with him than I have in my entire life. I lift my free hand, cupping his elbow to steady myself. “Robin Ballard.” My voice is soft and breathy. I’ve never sounded like this before! What in the world is wrong with me?! “It’s nice to meet you, Jude.”

He licks his lips and beams at me. I’ve never met someone who smiles so much. It’s impossible not to be cheerful around him. I sigh as his fingers curve around my cheek. “It’s nice to meet you, Robin.” He pauses, looking me over before he presses on. “Named after nature,” he muses. “That must be why you’re so naturally beautiful.”

I can’t help giggling. He’s so earnest that I know he’s not making a joke, which is insane. Not only is he completely wrong about me, but I didn’t think people who actually said things like that existed. I dip my head shyly. “Well, I wasn’t named after nature. I was named after a baseball player,” I counter. “But I like your flattering interpretation better.”

“I’m just telling you the truth.” He winks at me before something over my shoulder draws his attention. “I think someone’s looking for you.” I turn. Sure enough, there’s my mother, calling my name. She hasn’t seen me yet.

“I better go,” I decide reluctantly. I think about asking if I’ll see him again, but I’m sure he’s just having a good time and flirting in the moment. It’s a nice feeling, but it doesn’t mean anything. Especially since he’s extraordinarily handsome and I’m just me.

I start to pull away, but he tugs on my hand, not letting me leave just yet. “Hey. I’ll see you around, okay?” I think about objecting, but that thought leaves me completely when he leans down and brushes his lips against my cheek. I inhale sharply as his silky beard rubs over my skin.

Jude cradles my head in his hand before sliding his nose down my cheek and placing another gentle kiss at the corner of my mouth. When I don’t stop him, he turns my head so that our lips meet.

I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m not the type of person to flirt with or kiss random people. Still, I’d be a fool to pass up kissing a man like him, wouldn’t I? I’m on vacation, after all. I should try to live a little, maybe? I’m far too high-strung for anything like this in my everyday life.

He smiles against my mouth and I hear the clipboard fall to the ground as he cups my face and deepens the kiss. I lean into him, clutching the base of his forearm in one hand before putting my other arm around his neck.

His lips are soft and smooth. He moves them leisurely, sweetly, eagerly, against mine, his nose brushing my face tenderly. He keeps opening his mouth just enough to kiss my lower lip sensually; it’s like one kiss is really ten strung together. My embarrassment multiplies as I audibly whimper, but he clearly likes it. He pulls me closer, kissing my upper lip now. The sunglasses he has tucked into the vee of his shirt are cold against my skin, but I don’t care.

I never want the kiss to end.

Of course, it does. Jude pulls back gradually, kissing the tip of my nose. He smooths an errant strand of hair over my ear before letting go of me.

“I will definitely be seeing you again, Robin,” he promises. His voice is husky and his eyes have darkened to the color of espresso. I blush more, if that’s even possible, and look up at him shyly.

“If you say so, Jude.”

My voice is sad. The kiss was wonderful, but I just can’t believe him. We had a moment, and now it’s almost over.

I wish I could say that was fine with me, but it’s really not. He’s reminded me of how lonely I am.

He squats to pick up his clipboard; I take the opportunity to turn and weave my way through the crowd back to my family. I take some bags from them, hoping I’m not too red anymore. I’d rather not explain what just happened.

As we walk to the next shop, I risk a glance back in his direction. To my surprise, he’s still watching me. He gives me a little wave.

I raise my free hand and wave back, sighing as I realize that those few minutes are probably going to be the best part of this trip.


	2. Once in a Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin has misgivings about kissing Jude, especially when she runs into him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter is “Peaceful Easy Feeling” by The Eagles.

That night, I have a hard time sleeping. Part of it is the quiet. I’m used to constant noise, and here, everything is so still. I actually like it. It’s something I could happily get used to; it’s just not normal for me.

The other reason I can’t sleep is because my mind keeps wanting to relive Jude’s kiss.

I’m more embarrassed about the whole situation now that I’ve had time to think it over. I don’t do things like that. Ever. I’m an adult. I’m responsible. I don’t kiss strange men I’ve just met on the street. What kind of woman does he think I am? If I do happen to see him again, what will he be expecting? It’s exactly the kind of stressful thinking you’re supposed to be able to escape when you go on vacation.

Not that I really anticipated getting away from it anyway. I’m always the one who takes care of everything. I bear all the burdens and solve all the problems. I feel more like my family’s wrangler than anything else, and the only explanation I can come up with is that it made me fall prey to the romance of the moment.

Beautiful kisses in the middle of a crowd of people with a sinfully handsome man only amount to something in stories. Real life just isn’t like that.

I need to let it go.

****

The next day, everyone decides they want to go wine tasting. I don’t really approve. I’m not trying to be a saint or anything, but alcoholism runs in our family. My great-aunt in particular is already having problems with it, and I don’t think we should encourage her.

I know they won’t listen to me, but I bring it up anyway while she’s in the bathroom getting ready. As expected, they brush me off, telling me she’ll be fine. “I don’t think so,” I protest. “If I can tell how bad it is and I’m hardly ever around her, all of you should see it even more.”

“It’s just a few glasses of wine, Robin,” my mother retorts. I cross my arms and sigh as everyone joins in and supports her.

I hold my hands up defensively when I can finally get another word in. “You’re adults!” I snap, barely keeping it together. “I can’t stop you, and I can’t stop her, and I don’t want to fight. But don’t expect me to participate. I’m not going.”

Luckily, they don’t give me much grief for my decision. I do have a good excuse for getting out of this particular event; I don’t drink, since I prefer not to tempt fate. I pack everyone into the car and wave halfheartedly as they leave. They’ll be staying overnight, so at least I don’t need to worry about them driving home.

I sigh again, looking out over the lake. It’s another beautiful day, so I may as well try to enjoy it.

I pack a bag with everything I might need, slinging it over my shoulder and heading down the path to the shore. It meanders more than I thought, but for once, I’m not worried about time. I don’t have anywhere to be.

I’ve been walking for a few minutes when I hear someone else coming up the path in the other direction. For a moment, I’m nervous; I am alone, after all. I stop, waiting.

When the person rounds the corner, my heart drops into my flip-flops.

It’s Jude.

His face lights up when he sees me, and I freeze, suddenly forced to confront all my conflicted thoughts from last night. I honestly didn’t think I’d run into him again, so I never seriously considered what I would say if I saw him, or what I would do if he asked for more than a kiss.

But maybe he’s thought it over too. He’s probably realized that I’m nothing special and that there’s no point in dwelling on me.

Right?

Jude walks over to me, his hands in his pockets. His grin is adorable and just the tiniest bit mischievous. “Hey, Robin,” he greets me happily. “I told you I’d see you again.” He notices that I’m unaccompanied and inquires, “Where’s your family today?”

“They’re wine tasting,” I stammer, answering automatically, my brain racing to catch up with all of my whirling emotions.

“And you don’t like wine?” Jude wonders. How does anyone think around him? The eyes and the dimples and the smile make me feel like I’m blowing a fuse.

“Um, I don’t drink,” I respond nervously, hoping he won’t continue this particular line of questioning. There’s far too much family baggage in that explanation. Although I suppose if I want him to leave me alone, telling him my life story would be a good way to make it happen.

“I get you all to myself, then,” he states matter-of-factly, as if there’s no other course of events this day could take. Before I can say anything else, he’s standing in front of me. His hands come out of his pockets to cup my face, and then he’s kissing me again.

I suck in a breath as his mouth moves softly against mine, the smile never leaving his face. My deeply buried instincts tell me to give in, but I fight against them so often that I manage to resist this time. My hands flutter anxiously as I try to take a step back, but Jude doesn’t let me. He moves one hand and loops his fingers around my wrists, keeping them steady. When he finally pulls away, he takes in my panicked face and strokes my cheekbone gently.

“What’s wrong?” he asks curiously, staying close to me. I’m very aware that he can feel the trembling in my hands as he holds them.

I can’t even begin to explain everything that is wrong with this situation. I wish I could be more eloquent, more firm, but all I can manage is a rushed whisper. “I don’t even know you, Jude.”

The words don’t faze him. “What do you want to know?”

He moves to my side and puts an arm around me while he waits for me to say more. Being momentarily freed from his gaze means that I can finally speak coherently. Making sure to keep my eyes forward, I huff, “I don’t know. Anything? Contrary to what I’m sure I’ve made you believe, I don’t just wander around kissing random men while I’m on vacation.” I know he can hear the frustration in my voice, but I don’t explain to him that I’m mostly frustrated with myself. What am I doing?

Jude chuckles. “It wouldn’t be bad if you did,” he informs me. “You’re a grown woman; you’re allowed to do what you like, aren’t you?” He leans his temple against mine and his cheek grazes my skin. He’s warm and soft and he smells so good, and suddenly my filter is completely gone and I’m just answering him truthfully.

“It’s not responsible, Jude. It gives the wrong impression.” I cross my arms worriedly, trying to edge away from him, but he clasps me gently against his body.

“I don’t think so,” he soothes me. “You like to feel good. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re on vacation, Robin. Just relax.”

I laugh bitterly. “Relax. Right. I never relax, Jude. I can’t. There’s always something new to worry about. It never stops.”

Jude squeezes my shoulders comfortingly, feeling the tension in them and turning me to face him again. “Who takes care of you, Robin?”

I blink. I don’t think he has any shame at all. “Do you always ask strangers such invasive questions?” I accuse him, biting my lip immediately after. I know I’m being too harsh, but once again, he doesn’t seem to mind.

“I do if I want to get to know ‘em,” he replies playfully, winking at me.

I’m disarmed by the silence. Finally, I reluctantly murmur, “No one takes care of me, Jude. I take care of everyone else. All the time.” My voice is heavy with the weight of my words, and my lower lip quivers because I want to cry. I never cry in front of people. I certainly don’t want to cry in front of him.

I’m afraid to look up because I think his warm hazel eyes will set me off. Why did I have to run into him again? Why couldn’t I have just remained the enigmatic woman he kissed at a Saturday protest?

He coaxes my chin up with his long fingers, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes. “Oh, Robin,” Jude hums sadly. “Come here.” He slips the bag from my shoulder and sets it gently on the ground, then he pulls me into his arms. I give in, wrapping mine around his neck as I start to sob.

Jude doesn’t say a word. He just holds me. I have no idea how long we stand there, but when I finally calm down, he turns his head and presses a kiss to my hair. “Feel better?” His voice gets husky as his fingers trace my jaw.

I sniffle. “A little,” I admit. He uses the collar of his shirt to wipe the rest of my tears away. Then he leans down again, his mouth hovering over mine. “Jude…” I should not. I should not do this.

But he brushes our noses together and kisses me, and it feels so good that I can’t do anything but surrender.

This time, I allow myself to kiss him back. He makes a sound in the back of his throat as I pull his head down to mine, standing up on my tiptoes to make the kiss as deep as I can. Jude grips my waist, running his hands up and down my sides. As the kiss continues, he traces his tongue over my lips and squeezes my breasts.

That’s what finally prompts me to pull away.

Jude lets his hands drop back to my waist. He kisses both of my cheeks and my forehead before leaning down to pick my bag up. “Come on,” he instructs, starting to walk and tugging me along with him.

“Where are we going?” I’m barely managing to keep up with his long strides. He slows down courteously, pulling me closer.

He winks at me. “I’m taking you to a party.”

****

He wasn’t lying. When we arrive at our destination, there is definitely a party going on. People are drinking, smoking a wide variety of substances, and, to my surprise, lounging around nude. Jude chuckles when he sees me raise my eyebrows, keeping his arm around me as he leads me inside.

“Is this your house?” Looking around, I’d guess that a woman lives here, but I don’t want to assume.

“No, this is Grace’s place,” he tells me easily, as if I’ll know who Grace is. “She’s around here somewhere. I’ll introduce you if we run into her. For now…” He stops in the middle of the floor, turns, and takes me in his arms. “Let’s dance.”

There’s music playing, and a few other people are dancing, but it still makes me self-conscious. I hang back reluctantly for a moment, but then he leans down and kisses me softly. When I melt against him, he gathers me closer, bending down so his lips are near my ear. “There you go. Just relax, Robin. And talk to me. Tell me what’s troubling you.”

I hold onto him, shaking my head against his cheek. “You don’t want to hear about my problems, Jude. All I have are problems.”

“Try me,” he urges, rocking me back and forth. We’re not in rhythm with the music at all, but it doesn’t bother him.

He waits patiently until I’m ready to talk, like he has all the time in the world. Every few seconds, he presses a sweet little kiss to my skin, and finally I break. In a voice that’s just loud enough so he can hear me, but no one else can overhear, I start to tell him everything.

I tell him about my childhood, which was largely overshadowed by my mother’s affair with the man who eventually became my stepfather and my parents’ divorce. I tell him about taking care of my brothers while my parents shuttled us back and forth between them, refusing to talk to each other. I tell him about my father revealing my mother’s affair to me when I was fourteen, not realizing that I’d already known. He told me to keep it a secret from everyone, and I’ve always resented him for it. I tell him about signing my mother and stepfather’s marriage certificate because I felt like I had no other choice and how guilty I’ve felt about it ever since.

I tell him that I’m afraid I don’t really know myself or what I want. I tell him how judgmental my family is about every choice I’ve ever made, which is why I don’t want to spend any time with them. I tell him about always having to be the responsible one and take care of everyone.

Jude doesn’t say anything; he just listens. I feel so safe wrapped up in his long arms. In a moment of extreme weakness, I even tell him my most secret wish, which is to have someone take care of me. I also tell him how selfish I feel whenever I think it.

When I start to cry again, he turns my head into his shoulder and neck so that no one can see. That’s when he finally speaks.

“I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through, Robin,” he starts. “But it’s made you the person you are, and I think that person is someone worth knowing.” He presses his forehead to mine so he’s looking into my eyes. “Have you ever considered letting it all go and just living an easier, simpler life?”

“I don’t know how to do that,” I confess.

“You can learn,” he suggests. “While you’re here, let me take care of you. See what it can be like.”

It’s a tempting offer. He’s so calm; nothing seems to upset him. I believe he could take care of me. I really do. But I don’t understand why he would want to. Even if I could understand, that’s not my biggest worry.

I bite my lip and tears well up in my eyes again. Jude cups my face in his hands and I hold him tight. I’m afraid to say what I’m thinking, but I’ve already said so much. I can say one more thing, can’t I?

I try to hold back, but when he looks at me imploringly, I give in.

“And what happens when it’s over?” I choke out. “When I go back home and you’re gone and it’s all up to me again? I’ll be worse off than I was before. When you kissed me yesterday, it was wonderful, but when it was done, all I could think about was how lonely I am. I’m not built for something short-term, Jude. I need to know what it means. I need to know what comes next. And that’s not fair to ask.”

“Maybe not yet,” he agrees. “I don’t think a lot about tomorrow. I try to live in the moment. But there are a lot of moments between this one and two weeks from now. You’ll never know what could happen if you don’t try.”

I bury my face in his shirt and he puts his arms around me again. I know that he’s right. If I say no, I’ll spend my two weeks here miserable, and by the time I let that sink in, it will be too late.

So I take a shaky breath, raise my head, and nod. “Yes.”

Jude smiles and leans forward to kiss me gently. Then he takes my hand and grabs a blanket from the back of the sofa. This time, I don’t ask him where we’re going; I just let him lead me. His smile broadens when he realizes, and I blush.

He takes me to the lake. It’s almost dusk; I hadn’t realized that we were at the party that long. The water is still and lit up with bright colors. Jude spreads the blanket out on the ground for us to sit on. He puts his arm around me and I curl into his side, my head resting against his shoulder.

“It’s beautiful,” I observe quietly. Jude turns his head and kisses my hair. I look up at him and he smiles down at me.

“Yes, it is,” he teases. I blush more deeply.

“You’re not talking about the water,” I point out carefully.

“Nope.”

We’re both silent for a moment, and then I ask, “So how do you do it? You’re so laidback and carefree.”

Jude moves so he’s sitting behind me, spreading his legs and pulling my back close to his chest. He deftly undoes the bun at the nape of my neck and then starts to massage my shoulders. I sigh with relief as my muscles unknot under his skilled touch.

“First, you need to relax physically,” he advises me softly. “You wear your hair too tight, and you hold yourself so stiffly.” His fingers stroke up my spine all the way to the base of my neck and I shiver. “Just let it go, Robin. Relax,” he encourages me.

I grimace. “This is about as relaxed as I get, Jude,” I acknowledge. He increases the pressure as he continues to rub my neck and shoulders and I bite my lip to suppress a moan. His hands feel amazing.

“Well, we’ll have to work on that,” he murmurs, sweeping my hair to the side and starting to kiss my spine as his hands move down my back, pulling my t-shirt up so he can touch my bare skin. My back arches nervously and Jude hums soothingly against my neck.

“None of that,” he admonishes me gently. “Just concentrate on the way it feels. Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy it.” I try to obey, my brow furrowing. He pulls me until my back is resting against his chest and my head is on his shoulder, then smooths his fingers over my forehead. “None of that either.” I breathe deeply, feeling my eyelids getting heavy. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this calm.

“When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep, Robin?” Jude’s words are barely audible as he cradles me in his arms.

“Define good,” I sigh, my eyes flickering open so I can look at him. He smiles, tracing his fingers down my jaw. “I toss and turn a lot,” I add. “I can’t shut my brain off. The instant I lay down, I start to worry about everything.”

“That won’t do,” he decides. “Come on.” He lays down in the center of the blanket and pulls me against him, positioning me so my head is resting against his chest and shoulder and his lips can reach my forehead. He puts one long arm around me, pulling the sleeve of my t-shirt up so he can stroke my skin. I slide one hand into his hair, running my fingers through it lazily, and put the other over his heart. He clasps that one in his and kisses my forehead. “There you go,” he praises me softly. “Now, I want you to focus on my voice, okay? Don’t think. Just listen.”

“We’re sleeping right here?” I can’t help wondering. “We’re outside.”

“Where’s your spirit of adventure?” Jude laughs. “We’ll be fine. The nights are warm lately, and there’s nothing in the woods big enough to eat you.” I snort as I snuggle closer to him. He’s warm and solid, but in a comforting way. “I’ll protect you,” he assures me seriously. “I promise.”

“Okay.” I’m too tired to argue. I close my eyes, surprised when Jude starts to sing softly. I remember what he said and try to concentrate on just his voice. I don’t recognize the song he’s singing. It sounds like he’s mixing several verses together, but the words he’s chosen are nice.

_I want to sleep with you in the desert night_   
_With a million stars all around_   
_I get this feelin’ I may know you_   
_As a lover and a friend_   
_I got a peaceful easy feelin’_   
_And I know you won’t let me down_

He keeps singing the same lines over and over again. It’s working. I’m being lulled to sleep by the sound of his beautiful, deep voice; I can feel the vibrations of the music as they rumble through his chest. His fingers move, caressing me soothingly, his lips barely brushing my forehead as he sings.

Eventually, the words stop and he’s just humming. All I can hear as I drift off is his voice, the lapping of the water against the shore, and the beating of his heart.


	3. Dreams That You Dare to Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin spends the day with Jude and finally lets herself go.

I don’t usually sleep through the night. I always wake a few times to toss and turn, and then it takes me a while to calm down again. But when I open my eyes, the sun is just starting to rise, and I’m still curled up in Jude’s arms. I’ve barely moved at all.

I realize that I feel wonderful. My muscles are loose, and my skin is warm thanks to the sun and Jude’s body pressed against mine. I actually feel well-rested.

Jude is still dozing. I tilt my head so I can look up at his face. He really is an extraordinarily beautiful man, and it’s even more obvious when he’s peaceful like this. For the first time, I notice that his eyelashes are long and thick, and that there are very subtle streaks of silver through the hair at his temples.

He stirs and his shirt bunches up, revealing his stomach. It’s just a tiny bit rounded and covered in dark hair; I can’t resist sliding my hand over it. His skin is incredibly soft, and I make a sound that’s closer to a purr than anything else, squeezing the back of his neck as I kiss the part of his chest that’s exposed by his half-unbuttoned shirt.

Jude’s hand slides into my hair and he hums happily. “Good morning,” he murmurs, squirming a bit as I continue to touch his belly. “That feels nice.”

The moment is interrupted by my stomach growling, and we both start to giggle. I sit up, pushing my unruly hair out of my face. “Sorry,” I apologize sheepishly. “I haven’t eaten since before I saw you yesterday.”

He sits up too, cupping my face in his hands and kissing my forehead. “My fault. I should have fed you.”

I laugh again, blushing as he kisses my cheeks and then my mouth, pulling me into his lap and holding me close. “You make me sound like a goldfish,” I tease. He sucks on my upper lip as he kisses me this time; I fall silent, thoroughly absorbed in the taste and feel of him. Then my stomach growls again. I groan in frustration as Jude chuckles and kisses my neck, burying my face in his chest briefly before grabbing his hands and standing, pulling him with me.

“Come on,” I urge. “Let me make you breakfast. My family won’t be back for a while.”

“Okay,” he agrees. He grabs my bag and the blanket before putting his arm around my shoulders as we start walking. I lean against him, wanting to enjoy his closeness for as long as I can.

My phone rings inside my bag; he stops so I can reach across him and fish it out. I straighten, holding up a finger as I answer. “Mom? Are you back already?” I start to worry my lower lip with my teeth. “I’m just out taking a walk since it’s such a nice morning.” I listen to her talk and my face brightens. “Oh, okay. You aren’t driving home tonight, are you?” I pause as she answers. “Good.” I blush a bit at her next words. “No, I just don’t want to worry about you.” Jude is looking at me slyly, his tongue visible between his lips. “Okay, Mom. I’ll see you sometime tomorrow. Have a good day, and say hi to everyone for me.” I hang up, stepping back into Jude’s embrace and dropping the phone into the depths of my bag. “What are you looking so satisfied about?” I poke him playfully and he tilts my chin up so he can give me a kiss.

“They’re not coming back until tomorrow?” I nod, and I can tell that my smile is lighting up my face. “So I get you all to myself again?” he confirms.

I dip my head shyly. “If you want me.”

“I do.” He starts walking again, keeping his pace slow. “She said something that made you blush,” he observes. My cheeks color again as he mentions it and I shake my head.

“It was nothing. Just a joke.” My tone is a little muted, and I know that he’s concerned because of the way his arm tightens around me.

“What kind of joke, Robin?” he asks quietly.

I hang my head before finally muttering, “She asked if I didn’t want them to come back because I found a summer romance.”

Jude nudges me and kisses my temple. “Haven’t you?” he wonders, his voice light as he grins.

I sigh. “She was making fun of me, Jude. She doesn’t think I’m good enough for anybody, and she’s never liked anyone I’ve been with.”

“You could prove her wrong,” Jude suggests, smirking down at me.

I know that he’s trying to cheer me up, but my reply is bitter. “She wouldn’t like you either. Besides, we’re not together.” He takes a breath like he’s about to say something, but I interrupt him before he can speak. “Can we not talk about it, please?” I beg. “I was happy when I woke up.”

Jude kisses my forehead. I can feel his frown against my skin, but he doesn’t push the subject. “Anything you need, Robin,” he assures me.

I retreat into my dark thoughts as we make our way to the cabin. I really do want to spend more time with Jude, but is that a mistake? He’s handsome and sweet and wonderful, but it’s not like we’re going to have any time to get to know each other. Once my family gets back, I’ll be spending most of my time with them, and then we’ll leave. It’s easy for him to be all go with the flow and what happens will happen; he has a life here that he gets to go back to when I’m gone. I’m the one who will be left drifting.

I decide to make something a little more complicated for breakfast to distract myself. I like to cook; I always feel like I’ve accomplished something important once I’m finished. Jude stands behind me as I pile ingredients on the counter, nuzzling my neck and asking what he can do to help. I give him a small smile and some things to dice up for me.

Not even an hour later, we’re sitting at the little kitchen table eating Crab Cakes Benedict. I watch Jude take the first bite. I can tell how good he thinks it is by the look on his face, and that cheers me up immediately.

He notices. “You like it when people like your food.” I nod and he beams at me. “This is really amazing. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” We’re both hungry enough to stop talking for the next few minutes while we finish eating. After my last bite, I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m used to the things my family says about me, but I still don’t like them. And I’m not very good at this whole taking things as they come deal.”

Jude reaches out and grabs my free hand, rubbing his thumb over my wrist. “You’re doing fine, Robin. I just don’t like seeing you upset, especially about something that’s clearly not true.”

I stand, grabbing our empty plates and moving to the sink to start doing the dishes. Jude brushes my hair back from my neck as he moves behind me. “Hey,” he whispers. “Don’t avoid me, Robin. Please.”

“You don’t know me, Jude,” I protest again, sinking my hands into the soapy water. “Not really.” I bite my tongue so I don’t say my next thought out loud.

People who really know me always get tired of me eventually. They never stay.

Jude reaches around me and shuts off the water, turning me to face him and looping my arms around his neck. “My hands are wet,” I object halfheartedly; I know he’s trying to make me feel better, and I like having him close to me. He just holds me tighter, his arm around my waist, his other hand on my cheek, his nose brushing mine.

“Don’t worry about that.” He smiles at me, and I suddenly realize that his eyes are wet with tears. “I do know you, Robin,” he counters. “There are details missing, sure. I may not know your favorite color or where you went to high school, but those things aren’t how you get to know a person. You know a person by seeing how they interact with the world, and I’ve watched you do that.”

I stare up at him. I can’t think of any way to reply that will do his beautiful words justice.

“I noticed you the instant you walked into the square that day,” he confesses. “You waved and smiled at people you didn’t know. You were curious, but not condescending. And when I asked you to sign the petition, you really wanted to sign. You didn’t do it just to make me leave you alone. You talked to me, even though you were apprehensive about it. You held onto me when we kissed. And you’ve kept doing those things as you try to let me in. You’re warm and loving; you don’t want to be alone, and you don’t deserve to be alone. You deserve to be happy.” He squeezes my waist in both hands and starts to drag my skirt up with his fingers. “I do know you,” he repeats. “So let me make you happy.”

His lips meet mine before I can answer, and my mind races as we kiss. The most important question burns on the tip of my tongue.

Make me happy for how long?

His thumbs hook into my panties. I need to make a decision. Do I stop him entirely and tell him no? Do I stop him and ask my questions and try to figure out where this could go between us?

Or do I surrender, let him have me, and forget about the consequences?

Jude pushes my panties down further and they fall to my ankles. I hesitate as I think, and then I realize that thinking is exactly my problem.

So I take a deep breath, shut off my brain, and forget about the consequences.

I clutch Jude’s shoulders roughly, lifting my feet off the floor and kicking my panties aside, pulling his head to mine to deepen our kiss, smearing bubbles and water through his hair. He moans and squeezes my thighs, his tongue tangling with mine as he pushes against me, covering my body with his.

I whine as he pulls back, grabbing the blanket from the table and moving to the door. I raise my eyebrows expectantly, not trusting myself to speak.

“If you want me,” he challenges, “come and get me.”

I don’t think he expects me to react as quickly as I do. I rip off my t-shirt so that I’m only wearing my camisole and skirt. I don’t even stop to grab my shoes. Jude whoops, slipping out of the door just as I reach it, and then he’s running down the path to the lake.

I let go and race after him, my feet slipping slightly on the dirt of the path, my hair flying into my eyes. He’s never out of my sight, but he’s always a little ahead of me. By the time we make it to the shore, he’s spread the blanket out on the grass and is waiting with his arms out. I fly into them without hesitation, putting my hands back in his hair and bringing his mouth down to mine, breathing hard.

Our mouths don’t part as Jude lifts me up and lays back on the blanket, rolling me underneath him and pinning my hands on either side of my head. When he stops kissing me to look into my eyes, I know he can see the panic beneath the desire. My brain is screaming at me, though I’m doing my best to ignore it.

Don’t be an idiot, it says. You can’t have sex outside in broad daylight. You shouldn’t have sex with a virtual stranger. You ran out of the cabin without shoes, underwear, and your keys or phone. What if you get in trouble? You can still stop this. You can get up and go back and just pretend he doesn’t exist for the rest of your vacation.

“Just give in to me,” Jude encourages. “Shut everything out but me.” He puts his lips to my ear and purrs, “My voice.” He nudges my thighs apart with his knees and nestles between them. “My body.” He moves his head and presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the hollow of my throat; I shudder violently. “My kiss.”

I tip my head back, relaxing until I’m entirely limp beneath him. Energy is thrumming through my veins thanks to our brief run, and I have to fight to keep it in check. Jude smiles against my skin, running his nose over my collarbone, turning his hands over and dragging the backs of his fingers down my arms. “Just relax,” Jude hums, “and let me worship you.”

He starts to brush his beard sensually over me, following the lines of my collarbone again until he gets to the center of my chest. He kisses the spot over my heart lightly before continuing to my other collarbone, his hair soft and warm. His lips move to my shoulder, and then he trails just the very tip of his tongue up my arm before kissing the center of my palm.

I feel like I’m on fire wherever he touches me, and I can’t help squirming beneath him. I know that he can feel how aroused I am; my nipples are straining against my bra and shirt and pressing against his chest, and heat is radiating from between my legs where he’s resting against me. “Shh,” Jude murmurs, kissing my wrist before moving his lips back to my neck. “Relax, Robin. We have all day. There’s no need to rush.”

Jude’s fingers tip my chin up so he can kiss my throat as I swallow nervously. “All day?” My voice quivers as Jude kisses his way to my other shoulder, running the tip of his tongue up my arm to my hand again.

“All day,” he confirms. He runs his beard back down my arm to my chest, ghosting it over the swell of my breasts. He presses a gentle kiss to the top of one mound, then the other.

He moves down slowly, kissing my breasts through my shirt and bra. He kisses every inch of them, except, of course, for what I want him to kiss most. Then he reaches underneath my shirt, delicately tugging the cups of my bra down so only the flimsy fabric of my top separates my skin from the air. He blows on each one of my nipples lightly and I moan loudly, twining my arms around his neck and dragging his face down between my breasts.

“I love how aroused you are for me,” Jude whispers, kissing all over my breasts again through my shirt, still studiously avoiding my aching nipples. “But be patient, Robin. Just wait.”

He sits up and pulls me with him. He settles onto the blanket with his legs spread wide, draping mine over his thighs and nestling me against him. “Take off my shirt,” he requests, nuzzling my cheek affectionately. “Touch me like I touched you. Slow. Teasing. Learn my body. Enjoy it.”

I nod breathlessly, reaching up and cupping his face in my hands. He smiles as I carefully slide my fingers over his cheekbones, then over the bridge of his nose. I run my hands through his hair, tugging him down so that I can press a light kiss to each of his eyebrows. As I start to touch his beard, I lean forward and kiss wherever I can see silver hair, dragging the backs of my fingers down his neck sensually.

“How old are you?” I ask curiously, gazing up at him, seeing pink stain his cheeks as he reacts to my touch.

“45,” he answers easily. Older than I thought, then. Not that that matters. Ironically, age is one thing I’m not self-conscious about. “How old are you?” he repeats my question playfully.

I smile. “27,” I respond, kissing the spot just underneath his lower lip and running my tongue over the patch of hair there. He’s caressing my arms delicately, and I feel him shiver slightly as my tongue touches his skin. I move my hands just enough to unbutton his shirt, gliding them over his ribs to push the fabric aside.

Jude breathes deeply; I lean up further to kiss each of his dimples, slipping one of my hands into his hair to hold his head steady. He groans as I tangle my fingers in his belly hair and slips his own fingers teasingly under the straps of my camisole and bra, dragging them down so my shoulders are completely bare.

I slip my arms free of the straps before tugging at his shirt; he moves so that he can shrug it off. I take off his belt before pushing him back onto the blanket. I can see that he’s hard through his jeans, but I resist the urge to run my palm over his prominent bulge, remembering the way he touched me. He avoided any obvious erogenous zones, so I’ll do the same for now.

My fingers dance up his sides and he shivers again as I start kissing my way up his torso, following the trails of hair on his skin. His body hair is thick, but soft, and it smells musky and woodsy. I breathe him in deeply, running my fingers through the hair under his arms as he raises them over his head. I blow gently on each one of his nipples as I pass them, watching the skin around them pebble as they stiffen. It’s his turn to squirm just a bit; I smile, biting his neck lightly and chuckling as another groan escapes him.

“Shh,” I soothe him, leaning over and kissing his dimples. “Relax, Jude. We have all day. There’s no need to rush.” His breathless laugh is lost in a deep sigh as I kiss one closed eyelid, then the other, my fingers tangling in his to keep his arms stretched out over his head.

I adjust myself, straddling his belly so I can lean back and look at his face. He opens his eyes when I stop moving. Right now they’re the color of milk chocolate. Jude blinks his long lashes as he stares up at me; when I bend down to kiss his cheekbone, he flutters them against my skin and I giggle. “You are an amazingly beautiful man, Jude.” His cheeks flush at the flattery.

I let him move his hand so he can touch my face. “You’re amazingly beautiful too, Robin.” I flush along with him and shake my head.

“You’re very sweet.” He moves his other hand to my face so he can draw my lips down to his. We kiss lazily, barely moving. When he opens his mouth against mine and just lingers there like he’s breathing me in, I whimper and he flips me beneath him again.

“It’s the truth,” he replies fiercely. “You’re perfect. Let me show you.”

He starts to kiss his way down my neck and chest again. He lingers between the valley of my breasts for a moment, kissing, licking, and sucking, then he sits up and hooks his fingers into my skirt so he can drag it down my legs and toss it aside.

I bite my lip as I realize that I’m exposed to him. It’s been a long time since anyone has seen me like this. I don’t have a huge amount of sexual experience, but I have enough to know that sometimes people aren’t happy with what they see once you’re naked.

But Jude just smiles, wrapping one hand around my ankle and pulling it up to his shoulder while the other runs lightly over the patch of dark hair between my legs. It’s damp with arousal. Jude lets his hand just rest there between my legs while he drags the tip of his tongue over my foot and then down my calf until he reaches my thigh. I tremble as he moves his hand to my belly, pressing down gently.

“Don’t tense, sweetheart. You’ll last longer if you relax.” I nod, trying to do what he says as he grins up at me. “I like that you’re natural,” he observes shyly.

I blush. “You’re the only one who’s ever thought that. Shaved seems to be the preference, but I feel strange with nothing down there.”

Jude tilts his head curiously. “As long as you’re happy with your body, it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks.” He presses a little kiss to my thigh and I prop myself up on my elbows to look at him. “What else makes you self-conscious, Robin?” he wonders.

I bite my lip and look away from him. We might need all day if we’re going to start cataloging my physical insecurities. Jude kisses my thigh again and I take a shaky breath. “My thighs are too big,” I admit softly.

“Look at me, Robin,” Jude orders firmly, moving so that he’s stretched out between my legs. He curls his hands around my thighs and starts to rain kisses all over them, his beard’s silkiness rubbing over my skin. I watch him, quivering as I feel his mouth all over me. This is erotic. I’ve never experienced anything erotic before, and I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want him.

“What else?” he asks, rising up briefly to run the tip of his tongue down my opposite leg to my foot. It’s like he’s trying to ensure that he’s touched every part of me today. Not that I mind. He kisses my toes teasingly, his eyes darkening as he waits.

“My stomach is too big too.” My fingers curl into the blanket as he moves between my legs again, pushing my shirt up and exposing the curve of my belly. He peppers kisses all over it, sighing happily.

“Your skin is so soft,” he murmurs, kissing his way up over my breasts. This time, he lightly kisses each nipple as he passes. It’s not much, but it’s enough to send a jolt of pleasure down my spine. I squeal excitedly as I put my arms around him, holding him against me as he arrives back at my mouth and kisses me. “Anything else, Robin?”

“My face isn’t pretty enough.” I’m surprised at how easy it is for me to admit these things to him. I’m also surprised that those are the only three things I can think of. I honestly thought there were more.

Jude rubs his nose over mine. “None of those things are true, Robin. And even if people say they are, it doesn’t matter. All you need to be is you. You’re perfect just the way you are. You don’t have to meet anyone else’s expectations. I know it feels that way, but you’re the one who has to live with yourself, not anyone else. If you’re happy with who you are, the rest will follow.”

His words seem intensely personal, and suddenly I wonder what he’s been through. For some reason, I thought he’s always been like he is now, sweet and easygoing. But maybe I’m wrong. I reach up and touch his face, tracing my thumb over his lips. “Jude…”

“Later,” he promises, like he knows exactly what I’m thinking. “I don’t want you to worry right now. I want you to let go and really feel me.”

He stands, kicking his shoes off and tugging his jeans and boxers down. My gaze is drawn to the unruly nest of curls between his legs. His cock bounces alluringly, not quite all the way hard yet. He’s heavy, thick, and slightly curved. I bite my lip to remind myself to slow down. I want him inside me every way he can be.

I strip my camisole off and unhook my bra, leaning down to kiss his feet while I run my hands over his legs. I kiss up his calf until I get to his knee, stroking the crook with my fingers. Jude wavers on his feet as I switch, kissing down his other calf, making sure that I get a chance to taste every part of him, just like he did with me.

As I start to kiss his thighs, he puts one hand in my hair and the other on my shoulder to hold himself steady. I lick and suck eagerly, leaving red marks all over his sensitive skin. His balls tighten as I run my nose over them. When I press my lips to the underside of his shaft, Jude pants and tangles a hand in my hair, twitching and lengthening as I softly suck his velvety foreskin.

Jude gently pushes me away. “Not yet, Robin.”

He sits and pulls me into his lap again. His erection hovers between us; I’m almost touching it, but not quite. He guides one of my arms around his shoulders and places the other on his heart, holding it there and putting his other arm around my shoulders as he presses our foreheads together so we’re looking into each other’s eyes. “Breathe with me,” Jude whispers. “In time with my heart.”

I do what he says, breathing in and out with him slowly. Suddenly, the only thing I’m aware of is him. I can’t see anything but his face, feel anything but his body, or smell anything but his scent. My eyes flicker closed as our breathing syncs perfectly. I can feel him getting harder even though he’s not touching me; it takes everything I have to keep my breathing steady because I just want to push him down on the blanket and have my way with him.

“Look at me, Robin,” Jude urges. I force my eyes back open. When they meet his, I feel like I’m melting into his gaze. He’s safe and supportive and everything I’ve been missing. He runs his hand up and down my back along my spine like he’s smoothing all the troubles out from under my skin. My desire subsides to a dull background ache as I lose myself in him.

I’m suddenly eerily calm. “Inhale when I exhale,” Jude says. I switch with ease, breathing him in every time he breathes out.

Being surrounded by him is like drowning, but there’s no danger and no urgency, just warmth and pleasure and intimacy.

I have an intense moment of clarity and realize that he’s right. He does know me. He sees me in a way that no one ever has. My fingers curl against him and my lip trembles. I’ve lived my whole life without anyone knowing me like this, and we just met two days ago.

I’m glad that he knows me, but I’m also sad that no one else does.

“It’s okay, Robin,” Jude assures me. “I know, and it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.” He lifts me, laying me back on the blanket and stretching out over me. The head of his cock brushes against my entrance as he sinks between my thighs and my breathing speeds up as he adjusts my body so that my legs are squeezing his hips.

“Keep breathing slowly, Robin,” Jude soothes me. “Calm down. It will be better that way.” I whimper as he pushes into me, my fingers tangling in his chest hair and the hair on his head as we start to rock together. I concentrate on controlling my breathing just like he said to do.

He kisses my lips, my neck, and my breasts, moving his head between all three spots leisurely as he thrusts in and out slowly. He feels perfect inside of me, especially since the breathing has heightened all of my senses.

I want to feel this way forever.

Of course, it doesn’t last forever, but it feels like it does, which is almost as good. In the end, I’m not sure how long we’re locked together like that. All I know is that when I start coming, it’s the most incredible orgasm I’ve ever had. I finally really let go, gasping and panting and crying out Jude’s name repeatedly, my arms curled under his so I can hold onto his shoulders tightly. He has one hand on the small of my back, lifting me into him; the other is buried in my hair.

He holds out longer than I do, though I don’t know how. He keeps rocking into me steadily; each time I think that I’m finished, he makes my orgasm start all over again. He buries his face in my neck and says my name reverently as I shake violently, bathed in sweat. I can hardly hang onto him anymore as we both fall to the blanket, overcome with pleasure. Jude stays on top of me, kissing me desperately, quickening his pace.

It’s the first time I’ve seen him anything other than calm and collected. His hands tremble against my face and warmth blooms inside me as he finally finds release. I hold him tightly to me, my own orgasm finally starting to ebb now that he’s experienced his. I tip my head back, letting his head fall to my chest, stroking my hands through his damp hair comfortingly as we both come down from an incredible high.

“Jude…” I breathe, my body heaving against his as we lay tangled together on the blanket. He shakily kisses every bit of my skin that he can reach before managing to lift himself back up to my mouth.

“Are you all right, Robin?” he asks, smoothing my hair away from my face and nuzzling my neck affectionately.

I nod feverishly, still quivering with the aftershocks of my orgasm. “That was the most incredible thing I’ve ever felt in my life,” I admit.

He gives me a very satisfied smile. “Good. That’s what I was aiming for.” He tries to make his voice light, but it’s heavy with pleasure and emotion. I clasp him to me, using my thumb to draw his mouth open just slightly so I can kiss his lower lip, running my tongue over it. He kisses me back eagerly, his heart beating fast.

We kiss and kiss and kiss until we’re both entirely relaxed again. I run my hands through Jude’s hair one more time. “Lay on your belly,” I tell him, kissing his cheek before he obeys. I roll over onto him, letting my fingers dance over his toned arms.

Jude sighs contentedly as my mouth and tongue touch every inch of his back. When I reach the small, I flatten my tongue against his spine and drag it all the way back up to his neck. He shivers as I move down again, going further this time and kissing over the curve of his bottom. He wiggles and laughs as I crawl up to snuggle next to him.

Jude pushes on my shoulder gently, nudging me onto my stomach. “Your turn,” he murmurs against my neck. I rest my head on my arms as he repeats my motions with his lips and tongue, squeezing my backside with his big hands as he kisses it. When he’s done, I roll back over, taking him in my arms and letting our mouths meet again.

We lay there like that for a while, kissing and cuddling, just enjoying each other. When we finally still, I look up at the sky and realize that it must be afternoon; the sun is well past its zenith.

“How long did we…?” I wonder, laughing happily. I hardly ever lose track of time. It’s oddly freeing.

“As long as it took,” Jude answers playfully. He stands up, pulling me with him, and gestures to the dock. “Come on. Let’s get cleaned up. You can swim, right?”

“I’m not going to win the Olympics, but I won’t drown,” I quip. Jude laughs and tugs my hand.

“Come on, then.” He waits, giving me time to think it over. I’m touched by the gesture, but for once I don’t need it.

I start to run, bringing Jude with me. We jump off the edge of the dock, our hands still linked. The lake isn’t very deep where we’re at, so when my toes hit the bottom, I push back up, breaking through the surface of the water and shaking out my hair. Jude pulls me closer to him, pushing his own wet hair back from his forehead and kissing me. I twine my arms around his neck and enthusiastically return the kiss. The water is warm, and his body is even warmer.

Jude holds me to him, standing up straight in the water. He’s about a foot taller than me, so my feet still aren’t touching the bottom. “I like this,” I confess, kissing his cheek. He scrunches his face up and kisses my cheek in return.

“Me too.” I beam up at him. I’m completely sated, which gives me the chance to just enjoy being with him. I can tell that he is too. What an incredible afternoon.

We swim for a while. When the sun starts to go down, we get out of the water and head back to the cabin. Jude slips on his jeans and I take his shirt; he carries everything else in the blanket, his arm around me the entire time that we’re walking. I put the blanket in the laundry so he can return it to Grace later and grab a clean pair of panties, but otherwise, neither of us change.

Jude finds a guitar a previous tenant must have stashed in the closet and stretches out on the porch swing, strumming gently and humming to himself. “You play too?” I inquire, coming to sit beside him. He welcomes me into the crook of his arm and nods.

“Yup.” He thrums the strings dramatically for effect. “Do you?”

I laugh brightly. “No. My brother knows how, but I never learned. I played the clarinet. If we’re using a loose definition of played, anyway.”

Jude grins and smooths my hair over my ear. “I could teach you.”

“You think?” I tease. “Maybe I’m a bad student.”

“You proved that you’re a very good listener earlier,” he teases back. “What’s your favorite song?”

“‘Over the Rainbow,’” I answer immediately, resting my head on his shoulder.

“I like that one. For now, I’ll play and you sing, okay?” He starts improvising the opening melody.

I blush and shake my head. “I don’t sing in front of people, Jude.”

“It’s not for people,” he points out merrily. “Just for me.”

I put my arms around him and shyly turn my head into his neck. “All right.” It’s becoming harder for me to deny him. Part of me likes it. Part of me is afraid of it.

For now, I try not to dwell on it and just focus on the music instead.

He’s a good guitar player; the notes come to him easily. I sing softly without really having to think about it; I know the words to this song by heart.

_Somewhere over the rainbow way up high_   
_There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby_   
_Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue_   
_And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true_

Jude nuzzles me and starts to sing along. My voice is already louder and more confident; I enjoy the song too much to hold back.

_Someday I’ll wish upon a star_   
_And wake up where the clouds are far_   
_Behind me_   
_Where troubles melt like lemon drops_   
_Away above the chimney tops_   
_That’s where you’ll find me_

Our voices blend together nicely. He’s clearly not a trained singer, but he still sounds nice. I pretty much sing exclusively in the shower, so we’re a good match.

_Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly_   
_Birds fly over the rainbow_   
_Why then, oh, why can’t I?_

I squeeze Jude tight as we sing the last verse. He sets the guitar down when we’re finished and holds me to him. “What is it, Robin?” He strokes my cheekbone tenderly with his thumb.

I sniffle. “It’s stupid.” I try to brush it off, but he’s not having it.

Jude shakes his head. “No, it’s not. Tell me.”

I shrug. “I just always wanted to be the bluebird,” I finally reveal sadly. “So I could fly over the rainbow and be happy.”

Jude kisses my forehead. “You are the bluebird, Robin. You just have to figure out which way to fly.” He pulls me into his arms so my thighs are draped across his lap and I snuggle into him as deeply as I can.

I bite my tongue so I don’t say what I’m thinking. Instead, I lift my head and pull his mouth down to mine, kissing him softly, slowly. He hesitates for just a moment, as if he wants to ask me something, but then he just kisses me back.

I can’t say it. It’s too much. It’s too fast.

But I want to say it so badly that the words slip out of my mouth without warning.

“What if I want to fly towards you, Jude?”

He smiles and kisses me again.

“Then I’ll be your soft place to land, Robin.”


	4. Wish Upon a Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude’s romantic gesture doesn’t go quite like he planned.

That night, I sleep in Jude’s arms on the porch swing. We both wake early. I’m apprehensive. Jude tries to calm me, but I’m too worried. We go inside so he can gather his things and then he loops his arm around my shoulders, pulling me back against his chest.

“Will you be all right if I go?” he asks quietly, clearly concerned.

I nod reluctantly. “It will be worse if they find you here,” I answer softly, turning in his arms and hugging him as tight as I can.

“I can handle it,” he assures me. “If you want me to stay, I will. I don’t like you being upset, Robin.”

“That means more to me than I can say, Jude,” I tell him sincerely. “It’s just…” I sigh. “It’s them, not you. I don’t want you to have to explain yourself to anyone. I know that sounds like me saying I don’t want to deal with definitions, or like I’m trying to keep you a secret.”

Jude rubs a strand of my hair between his fingers and smiles gently. “I don’t mind being your secret,” he confesses. “As long as I’m a secret because you want me to be, and not because you think I don’t want anyone to know about us, or that I’m ashamed of being with you. I know this is hard for you, and I’m willing to give you as much time as you need.”

I blush; he’s talking like I’m going to be here forever, not just for two weeks. I stretch up on my toes and kiss his cheek tenderly. “I like being in this little bubble with you,” I admit. “It’s like we’re the only two people that exist when we’re together.”

“I like that too,” he agrees, turning his head so he can kiss my mouth. I walk him back outside, wishing that he didn’t have to go. If I could spend this entire two weeks with him, I would.

Jude faces me for a moment, slipping one of the beaded bracelets off of his wrist, grabbing my arm so he can carefully put it on mine instead. “I want you to have one of these. I made them both. Whenever you need support, just touch it and think of me, okay?”

I graze the wooden beads with my fingertips; they’re dark and smooth. “You made these?” I get a little choked up because I’m touched by the gesture.

He nods. “I’m a carpenter,” he reveals. “What, you thought a man could live on protest alone?” I laugh and he grins. “You have a beautiful laugh, Robin,” he compliments me, leaning down and kissing my mouth again. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

He phrases it like a question, but says it like a promise.

He starts to walk down the path. I cling to the railing, watching him go, and it makes my heart hurt. “Jude!” I call after him, running down the steps as he turns back around. He holds out his arms to catch me as I crash into him, pulling him down for a long, fierce kiss and sliding my fingers into his hair. He kisses me back eagerly, wrapping me up in his embrace.

I don’t want to let him go. I want to stay in this moment forever with him and never come up for air.

When I finally do pull away, I press my forehead against his and whisper, “Thank you, Jude. Thank you. For everything so far.”

He kisses my forehead sweetly. “You’re welcome, Robin. You’re welcome.”

****

By the time my family returns, I’ve cleaned the cabin, showered, and dressed. I sit and listen to them talk about the winery, fingering Jude’s bracelet the entire time. My mother finally asks me where I got it because she doesn’t recognize it. I tell her that I got it from a local carpenter as a souvenir. She assumes I bought it; I don’t correct her.

We end up going into town to explore. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking for Jude the entire time, but we don’t run into him. I do like going into all the shops and seeing what there is to see. I just can’t help thinking about how much nicer it would be with Jude. He’d have his arm around me, pointing out things he’d think I would like, and he’d introduce me to everyone.

The practical part of my brain is telling me that I should not be thinking about him this way. I’m going to leave soon, and then he’ll just be a memory.

But I’ve already fallen hard, and now I’m going to have to decide what to do about it.

****

That night, after dinner, my family settles in to relax. I decide to go to the lake. Thankfully, they don’t offer to go with me. They’ve got their feet up and their wine glasses full, and the path is a little too much for my grandmother and great-aunt to handle. The lake is another secret I’d like to keep to myself.

I wander to the shore in my bare feet, remembering my run down the path yesterday and playing with Jude’s bracelet again. I can’t stop thinking about him, but I’m not sure what to do. It’s not like I can just uproot my whole life to stay here, and he has a life of his own that I’m sure he doesn’t want to leave.

I stop at the end of the dock when I see the silhouette of a person there. As my eyes adjust to the last rays of the sun shining off of the water, I see that it’s him.

“Jude?” I wonder. There’s no mistaking the sheer happiness that fills my voice at the sight of him. I skip to the end of the dock, sitting down, putting my feet in the water, and snuggling into his side. He immediately puts his arms around me, kissing my forehead and then my lips.

“I was hoping I’d see you here,” he says cheerily. “How are you, Robin?” He smooths my hair over my ear and then kisses the skin just below where his bracelet is. I flush, my heart racing with excitement.

“I’m better now,” I murmur truthfully, burying my face in his neck and breathing him in. Jude rubs my back and threads his fingers through my hair.

“I’m glad,” he replies. “Tell me what you did today.”

I talk about all the places we visited, bashfully explaining why I would have rather visited them with him. He likes that, telling me that he’ll show me around again anytime. I gaze up at him, completely enamored by his presence, and finally work up the courage to ask him the question I thought of yesterday during our lovely afternoon together.

“How did you end up in Woodstock, Jude? Were you born here, or…?” He pulls me into his lap before he answers so he can speak quietly into my ear as we watch the sun go down. I lean against him, my back flush with his chest, and rest my head in his neck.

“I was born in New York, but not in Woodstock,” he starts. “My parents came here for the festival in 1969 and just never left.”

“You must have been young,” I observe.

He nods. “I’d just turned three. I really don’t remember the festival at all, but I like to think I had a good time.”

I giggle. “I bet you were an adorable kid,” I tease.

“Aw,” Jude drawls, squeezing my waist and kissing my cheek playfully. I reach a hand up and stroke his beard, letting the other drift down so our fingers can tangle together. “I was pretty cute,” he confirms. “Definitely cuter than I am now.”

“I beg to differ,” I counter, gazing up into his eyes. “You are very, very cute now.”

Jude winks at me and continues. “I grew up here, but all I wanted was to leave, to be honest. I didn’t really appreciate what I had until I didn’t have it anymore, you know? Very cliché, but it’s the truth. I left when I turned eighteen because I wanted to be a musician.”

“You are a musician,” I point out.

He laughs. “Not the kind I wanted to be. I wanted to be famous. I knew how to play the guitar already, and I have a decent enough voice, so I did what I could. Played open mic nights in dingy little bars, waiting for a break that never came. Eventually all the gigs dried up. I didn’t want to come back home and admit that I’d failed, but I didn’t know what else to do. Then I got the phone call.”

Jude falls silent and I sit up straighter, sensing the change in his tone and stance. I put my arms around his neck and hold him close; when I raise his head so I can look at him, his eyes are shimmering with tears. “Jude…” I can’t stand to see him hurting.

He looks at me sadly. “My parents had died in a car crash. It was nothing spectacular, just an icy country road. So I came back home after all. I barely managed to plan the funeral; I was a wreck. But the people here helped me, especially Grace. They came together and welcomed me like I’d never left. I’m not sure what would have happened to me without them.”

“Once I wasn’t in a funk anymore, I restarted my dad’s carpentry business. I make furniture, mostly, but I can make other things too, and I do a lot of repairs for people free of charge, though they usually give me something afterwards, like fresh eggs or oranges. It’s a simple life, I know, but it’s one that I’ve grown to love. Most of the time, I’m pretty satisfied.” He stops and stares down at me meaningfully, and I wipe away a tear that’s escaping down his cheek into his beard.

“I’m so sorry about your parents, Jude.” I squeeze him tighter, wishing he’d never had to go through that kind of pain. I hesitate for a moment, biting my lip. “Most of the time?” I add, wondering what he meant by that.

He appears nonchalant, but he seems like he’s trying too hard to look like it. “I’d like someone to share it with,” he finally clarifies. “I’ve been alone for a long time.”

I bite my tongue to contain my excitement. It’s hard to imagine him being alone by choice. He’s so handsome and so wonderful that any woman should want him. I certainly do.

Could I really do it? Could I really stay here with him? I can’t even begin to imagine what that would entail.

I think about asking more, but I just hold him instead, tucking his head under my chin and rubbing his back soothingly. Maybe something could happen between us, if he even wants that. But I don’t want to bring it up when there’s still so much time left for us to spend together.

For now, I’d like to stay in this lovely fantasy we’ve created. I’ll worry about everything else later.

****

For the next week, I spend my days with my family and my evenings with Jude.

He’s always waiting for me at the lake. Sometimes he’s sitting on the dock with his feet in the water. Sometimes he’s lying on a blanket he’s brought from home. Wherever he is, he welcomes me with open arms.

I’m scared to acknowledge that he’s the only thing I’ve looked forward to in a long time. I’ve always figured out how I feel about people quickly, but I’ve never felt like this before, and I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to convince myself that he can’t possibly want anything besides a few days of fun, but I know I’m only doing that to try and avoid getting hurt later.

If our interactions were only sexual, I’d have an easier time believing it. But most of the time we spend together isn’t about sex.

We talk a lot, though we never come back to Jude’s admission of wanting to share his life with someone. I know that I’m afraid to ask more, but I find myself wondering if he’s afraid to say more too. The questions he asks me aren’t casual. They’re deep and probing, about my dreams and the way I think.

You don’t ask people you only want a few days with those kinds of questions, do you?

After our profound conversations on Tuesday and Wednesday, he greets me on Thursday with a deeper kiss than usual. We rest on his blanket, tangled together, just kissing and touching. I can taste that there are words he wants to say, but I don’t ask, and he keeps holding back.

On Friday, we take our clothes off and dive into the water again. He presses me up against the dock and takes me eagerly and urgently, like he’s trying to assure himself that I’m real. I hang onto the smooth wood with one hand, my legs wrapped around his waist, my other hand in his hair. I come three times before he finishes.

Jude wraps us up in his blanket afterwards and we stare up at the stars. “Will you be there tomorrow?” He bends his head down to brush his nose against mine and I nod. There’s a concert in town this weekend, and my family has already mentioned wanting to go.

“We’ll all be there,” I confirm. “Will you?”

“I’m playing and singing,” Jude tells me.

I smile. “I’ll be your biggest fan, then.”

Jude kisses my hairline and fingers the bracelet he gave me. I never take it off. “My good luck charm,” he decides.

I kiss him one more time before getting up and pulling my clothes back on. He watches me, biting his lip and reaching up to grab my hand. “You can’t stay?”

I shouldn’t. I want to, but if my mother wakes up and sees that I’m not in the cabin, she might freak out.

But Jude looks so earnest and so forlorn that I can’t say no.

I curl up in his arms, holding him tight. “I’ll stay, Jude.”

He snuggles up against me happily. “Thank you, Robin.”

“You’re welcome.” I stroke his hair soothingly, lulling him to sleep.

A few days ago, I was thanking him, even though I didn’t admit how much I want and need him.

It hadn’t occurred to me that he might want and need me just as much.

****

I stay with Jude all night. He nuzzles me awake just before the sun starts to come up and takes me again. I melt into him, unable to resist. After we finish, we start to go our separate ways so we can get ready for the festival. He hangs onto me for just a moment, kissing me goodbye and telling me he’ll see me soon.

I watch him walk the opposite way on the path, wishing that I was going with him.

I’m starting to realize that while the bubble is nice, I want more.

I want everything.

I just don’t know how to tell him.

****

Luckily, my mother thinks I went out for a morning walk, so I don’t have to explain my absence. I shower and change, choosing my outfit a little more carefully than usual. I finally select a linen dress with yellow and green stripes; the top is sleeveless and fitted, but the skirt is long and flowing. It matches Jude’s bracelet nicely. I put my hair up loosely, remembering what he said about me wearing it too tight.

I retreat into my own thoughts as we arrive at the concert, trying to look around for Jude without being obvious about it. I don’t see him, but I’m not surprised. I assume he’s getting ready. We find seats close to the stage and set up chairs. I didn’t bring one; I fold my legs underneath me and sit on the grass, tipping my head back and enjoying the sunshine.

The concert is nice. The music is casual, but good. Two different bands play, both led by female singers with great voices, and then Jude comes out on the stage. He winks at me as an older woman introduces him and I blush, clapping along with the rest of the crowd as he steps up to the microphone.

Jude grins when the applause dies down and bites his lip, his eyes flicking in my direction. “Thank you, thank you,” he says humbly, waving a hand at everyone. He seems a little anxious, which is odd. Doesn’t he do this all the time?

He runs a hand through his hair and speaks in a rush, like he’s trying to get the words out before he loses his nerve. “All right… listen… I met someone the other day who I think is, um, exceedingly special. Uh… and if you’ll all indulge me, I’d really like to bring her up on stage to help kick off the first song.”

My heart clenches at his words. Who could he be talking about? Hasn’t he been spending most of his time with me?

It clicks in my brain just as he says my name and turns his head my way. “Robin,” he announces shyly. “Come on up here.” He holds out his hand and I shake my head at him reflexively, my cheeks getting redder.

“Is he talking about you?” my mother asks incredulously. I’m glad I’m already flushed, or she would have noticed me react to her words.

Why wouldn’t he be talking about me? Even though she doesn’t know what’s happened between us, aren’t I worth talking about?

Jude’s grin widens, but I notice that his eyes are a little disturbed. Is he worried that he’s upset me? I’ve just got stage fright. Him asking me to join him is actually completely flattering, and it’s a huge step toward what I think I want with him.

Jude runs his hand through his hair again and sheepishly adds, “All right, Robin seems a wee bit shy, so maybe we can show her a little love and give her some support?” The crowd behind me starts to holler and yell my name, and Jude stares at me imploringly.

I can’t let him down. I don’t want him to think that it’s him I’m scared of.

So I get up and walk to the edge of the stage, reaching my hand out so he can help pull me up beside him. His eyes clear and his smile gets even bigger. I can feel my face flaming, but I don’t care. He’s happy.

Jude puts his arm lightly around my waist and leans into the microphone again. “Thanks, everyone. This is Robin. She and her family are visiting us for this week and the next, so if you see her around, make sure she feels welcome. I want to start today with Robin’s favorite song.” He shifts his guitar and moves his arm so he can start to play. “It’s about dreams coming true, and I think that that’s something worth chasing after.” He rests his cheek against mine. “Sing with me, okay?”

He stays close as we both start to hum. My voice quavers a bit when I have to form words, but then Jude nudges me gently and I calm down.

I try to tune out the crowd and just think about Jude. Could I really stay here with him? This place is like living in a dream. It’s a real community where everyone supports each other. It’s a family. It’s been kinder to me than the actual family that’s only sitting a few feet away.

And what about my life is so great that I couldn’t leave it behind? I’ve been floundering in graduate school for years; I don’t even know if I want to stay anymore. I’m not sure what I would do here, but I’m a smart person. I could find something. There’s tons of shops to work in, and there could be other opportunities I haven’t even thought about yet.

Of course, none of that really matters if Jude doesn’t want me, does it? It would be too hard to stay here and see him every day if that’s the case.

That thought consumes me as we reach the last verse, and to my horror, I start to tear up.

The last thing I want to do is cry in front of everyone, but it’s too late. I manage the final line, and then my voice breaks as I begin to sob. The music stops and I turn my head away from Jude, hastily wiping my cheeks.

“Hey,” I hear him soothe me softly; his hands cup my cheeks and turn my face to his. I slip my fingers around his wrist. His touch makes me feel so good, and suddenly I’m overwhelmed with the idea that I might lose it.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but before I can, he’s kissing me.

He’s kissing me in front of everyone.

He’s kissing me in front of my family.

It’s a soft, sweet kiss, not ostentatious at all. I gasp when it starts and try to pull away, but Jude holds me to him. He leans back just a bit, then moves in and starts the kiss all over again. I realize that I’m shaking as the audience cheers loudly and I grip the front of Jude’s shirt tightly.

I can do this. Ask him if he wants me. Find a way to stay. I can. The risk is nothing compared to leaving this behind and being without him.

Then my mother’s voice cuts sharply through the crowd. “Robin, what are you doing?!” she hisses. She gets louder as she keeps going. “This is so embarrassing! Why can’t you ever do anything right?!”

My tears return instantly, and this time, I panic.

My mother is right. I don’t even know how he feels about me. I shouldn’t be kissing him in front of everyone like this.

I’m just fooling myself anyway. I don’t have the courage to change my whole life. It’s just a dream.

Jude tries to keep me close to him, but this time I pull back hard so I can get away. I cover my face in my hands and blindly run down the stage steps, going behind it so I don’t have to make my way through the crowd.

I feel so stupid. I know that the rainbow isn’t real. I can’t fly over it.

It’s better to face it now than to be disappointed later.


	5. Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin makes a choice.

I’m not sure where I’m running. I can’t go back to the cabin or I’ll have to face my family. If I go to the lake, I risk Jude coming after me.

Do I want him to?

I mean, that would be the grand gesture, wouldn’t it?

It’s too bad that those only happen in stories and not real life.

I finally realize that I’m near the house where the party was a week ago. I see a big tree in the nearby field and decide to head there. Maybe I can just hide for a while. I need to think.

I tuck myself in between two of the tree’s roots, putting my arms around my knees and rocking back and forth. I feel Jude’s bracelet against my skin and I start to cry again. I really have no idea what I’m doing, and I don’t know how to untangle the mass of emotions that have settled in the pit of my stomach.

So I just sit until my tears stop, wishing there was someone who could give me all the answers.

I hear footsteps and raise my head, biting my lip. I’m not sure who I want to see when I look because I haven’t worked anything out yet.

Then I hear a voice I don’t know say, “Robin? Honey, is that you?”

I sniffle and wipe my eyes, turning my head. I recognize the woman who introduced Jude at the concert. “Um, yes, I’m Robin,” I confirm. “Who are you?”

She sits down next to me, pulling a tissue from the pocket of her dress and wiping at my face. I let her, too surprised to do anything else. “I’m Grace, sweetheart. Jude’s worried sick about you. He skipped the rest of his set to look for you.”

“I didn’t mean for him to do that,” I whisper sadly. “I’m sorry.”

“Nobody’s worried about the music, Robin. They’re worried about you. You seemed like you were having such a good time and then everything changed.” She puts her arm around my shoulder and asks, “That was your mother?”

I nod. “I don’t know why I let it upset me. She’s always like that. She has been for my whole life.”

“It upset you because it was upsetting,” Grace counters adamantly. “It upset me, and I barely know you. No one should get to treat you like that. She may have given birth to you, but she has to earn the title of mother.”

I stare at her for a moment before giving her a halfhearted smile. “That might be the best advice anyone has ever given me,” I admit. “I can see why Jude relied on you so much after his parents died.”

Grace looks curious. “Jude told you about that?”

I nod again. “He said he didn’t think he would have survived without you.”

Her face becomes very serious; she grabs my chin in her fingers and looks at me. “You need to go talk to Jude,” she decides, her voice fierce.

“Does he want to talk to me after what I did? I must have hurt him running away like that. He probably thinks it was because of him.” I twist my hands together nervously.

“Robin, he’s more worried about you than anything else. Just talk to him. He’ll listen.” I bite my lip worriedly, still unsure. I can’t think straight. Grace squeezes me gently. “Honey, what are you worried about, really?”

For some reason, it’s easier to tell a stranger what I’m thinking than anybody else. “I don’t know what to do,” I finally start. “I… like Jude,” I add lamely. I’m definitely pulling a punch there, but I’m not ready to say more out loud yet, especially to someone else. If I voice those feelings to anyone, it should be him. “I’d like to stay here and explore that more. I’m not very happy with my life, to be honest; a change might be nice. But it feels so impractical. Do people really just pick up and leave everything behind and start over? Is that possible?”

“It can be,” Grace observes. “You just have to be brave enough. I know that’s hard. But if you did, Robin, you wouldn’t be alone. Jude would be here, and so would I, and there are plenty of other people here who would help you. If you want to be here, we want you here.”

I hang my head. “But what if Jude doesn’t want me? What if it doesn’t work out between us? Then I’ll just be right back where I started.”

“No, you wouldn’t be,” Grace assures me. “You’d be smarter and more experienced for it, no matter what happened.” She pauses for a moment and then ventures, “Listen, Robin. I don’t want to speak for Jude, but I can tell you that he’s never told anyone about his parents before. People around here know what happened, of course, but he doesn’t talk about it.”

“You’re saying I’m special?” I probe, seeking clarification. That’s what Jude said about me when he was on stage. Exceedingly special.

Grace puts her hand on my knee comfortingly. “I’m saying you should talk to Jude, sweetheart. It’s the only way you’re going to be able to make a decision.”

I know that’s she right. And I do want to talk to him. Even if nothing else happens, I don’t want the last time we see each other to be when I ran away from him.

“Do you know where he is?” I wonder, my voice small and afraid, but determined.

“I’ll take you to him. Come on.” She stands, taking my hand. I let her pull me up and follow her to her car.

****

Grace drops me off at the end of Jude’s driveway, telling me he’ll be in the workshop in front of the house. She also tells me to come find her if I need her, which I appreciate.

I walk slowly through the yard to Jude’s home. His house is enormous; it’s really far too much for just one person.

The sky is getting dark. It’s supposed to rain for the next few days. I wrap my arms around myself, rubbing them vigorously. I’m cold.

My stomach is tense as I approach Jude’s workshop. I have no idea if he’ll be happy to see me, even though I know that we need to talk regardless.

The light coming from the workshop is warm and orange. I can smell wood and wood stain and varnish, and it reminds me of Jude. I take a deep breath and step over the threshold.

Jude is pacing back and forth, wringing his hands together. He keeps pausing and biting his lip, like he’s not sure what to do next. I stand there, frozen, waiting for him to see me. I can’t seem to make my mouth work.

He finally turns in my direction. He gasps and runs to me, but he stops short, his arms out, reaching. I realize that he doesn’t know if I want him to touch me. That gives me something I can fix, at least.

I step forward into his arms, wrapping my own around his neck and burying my face in his chest. A strangled sob escapes him and he squeezes me so tight that I can’t breathe for a moment. “Are you okay, Robin?” he asks shakily. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have forced you to get up in front of everybody. I should have asked you if it was okay this morning. I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought it would make you happy.”

He sounds so defeated, and I hate the thought that I killed some of that wonderful spirit he’s shown me in the short time I’ve been here. I feel my heart break. I lift my head, cupping his face in my hands and pulling his forehead down to mine. “Jude,” I soothe him. “You didn’t hurt me. Please don’t ever think that. You haven’t ever hurt me, and I know you never would. I was happy when you asked me to sing with you. I was nervous too, but once we started, that barely mattered to me. You were not the reason that I cried, and you were not the reason that I ran away.”

His eyes actually become more distressed as I speak. My brow furrows; I thought that would make him feel better. Jude sighs and kisses me the same way he kissed me on stage, moving his hands to my face. When he pulls back, he says, “She was the only one who was embarrassed, Robin. Nobody else was. I know you know that. But before she said anything, you were crying. I thought that was because of me.”

I take a deep breath, stroking my fingers through his beard. It takes everything in me to say it, but I finally admit, “It was, but not the way you’re thinking, Jude. I…” It’s now or never, isn’t it? I’ve hurt him, and this is the way to repair it. “I’m afraid that you might not feel the same way I do. I’m afraid of losing you.” I know I’m going to cry again, though I’m trying not to.

“Losing me?” Jude wonders softly. “I’m not going anywhere, Robin.”

Tears start to fall down my cheeks as I answer. “No, you’re not,” I agree. “I am. I’m leaving in a week, Jude, and I’m scared. I’m scared to leave, because I’ve never in my whole life felt like I feel when I’m with you. But I’m scared to stay too. If I stay, I don’t know what I’ll do or where I’ll go or what will happen between us. I don’t even know if you want me to stay. And people don’t just change their whole lives after a week, do they? Leave everything behind? But I want to, and I’m terrified. I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same again after being with you, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what you want. You’ve been kissing me, and comforting me, and listening to me, and talking to me, and we’ve had amazing sex, and then you said I was special in front of everyone, but I don’t know what it means, Jude. Are you just having a good time? Will it not matter to you when I leave in a week? Or do you want me to stay? I know it’s not fair to ask; I told you that a week ago. But I have to know, because I’m in too deep. There’s only one way I don’t end up hurt now, and I need to know sooner rather than later what I’m going to be dealing with. I didn’t cry because I don’t want you, Jude. I cried because I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted.”

I only leave one thing unsaid, because I can’t even fathom telling him that I love him. Not like this. I’m a sobbing wreck in his arms, and those words need to be saved for when things are happy and beautiful.

Not to mention that I’m afraid to tell him. If he doesn’t love me back, I think it might break me.

I shut my eyes, trembling against Jude. I feel his nose brush mine, and then he speaks. “Robin, look at me, please.” I obey, opening my eyes and looking into his. They’re wet, and he’s smiling at me. “I meant what I said,” he starts. “You are… exceedingly special. I’ve never met anyone who tries so hard to be happy. You’ve been through so much and you’re still… hopeful. I don’t know if you understand how rare that is.”

I wipe the tears that have started to spill down his cheeks away with my thumbs as he continues. “Robin, when my parents died, I was lost. I barely made it. And I’ve recovered to a certain extent. I’m doing well enough. But I’m not really, truly happy. I’m just managing. I have friends here, and they’ve been wonderful to me, but I’ve never really let anyone in again. Not until you.”

He takes a deep, shaky breath before he continues, squeezing me tight. “I don’t know why I kissed you that first day in the square. I really don’t. I was just going to ask you to sign the petition. I ask everybody to sign the petition. And then you turned around and I just… fell. You obviously liked what you saw, and that was flattering, and you were so sweet. I just didn’t want to let you go. And now that I’ve spent time with you, I never want to let you go. But I’m afraid too. I’m afraid that I’ll lose you, no matter how hard I try to protect you. I’ve been trying to protect you all week, and you still got hurt. And that’s just your feelings. I’d be even worse at protecting the rest.”

I rise up on my tiptoes so I can press my cheek against his, looping my arms around his shoulders and holding him against me. “I can’t promise that nothing will ever happen to me, Jude. I wish I could. But I can promise to fight as hard as I can for us, no matter what comes our way.” I run my hands through his hair soothingly, kissing his jaw just beneath his ear, feeling him shudder. “And it’s not your job to protect me, but it means the world to me that you want to. I want to protect you too.”

I can sense the words hanging in the air between us. I feel it, and suddenly I know that he feels it too.

Jude Fisher loves me.

He’s not going to say it right now, just like I won’t say it right now, but he does.

“I have something for you,” he says shyly, keeping one arm securely around my waist and reaching into his pocket. “I was going to give it to you after the concert.” He opens his hand and I look down.

In his palm, there’s a tiny rainbow. It’s made of polished wood, and it’s been meticulously painted and varnished so it shines. There’s a clasp on the top of it, and I realize that it’s a charm meant to fit on a bracelet. “Jude, it’s beautiful.” I touch it reverently. “You made it?”

He nods, lifting my arm and putting the charm on the bracelet he gave me. “You keep saying you can’t fly over the rainbow,” he muses softly. “But you can. This is over the rainbow. Right here. With me.”

Then he guides my hand back up to his neck and bends his head to kiss me.

This kiss is nothing like all of our previous ones. It’s filled with passion and promises, and as his fingers caress my neck, I actually get dizzy.

Jude bends down and puts an arm under my knees, lifting me up into his embrace without ever breaking our kiss. He slowly carries me to the house as thunder booms in the distance.

He sits on the couch with me in his lap. For a while, we just kiss. Our mouths never actually part. Each kiss bleeds into the next.

Rain starts to fall steadily; I can hear it on the roof. I shiver. All of Jude’s windows are open, and it’s getting colder. He pulls his lips from mine reluctantly, slipping out from underneath me and grabbing the blanket wadded up next to him. He stands and drapes it over my shoulders. “I’m going to shut the house up,” he tells me, kissing my cheek. “You’ll be warmer.”

Before he goes, he starts a fire in the huge fireplace in front of the couch. I stay quiet, curled up in the blanket, and watch him. When he stands again, I murmur, “Hurry back.” He smiles shyly and scurries off to complete his task.

While he’s gone, I undress, letting my hair down and taking off everything except his bracelet. I pile all of his pillows on the floor, creating a nest of sorts, and then wrap myself back up in the blanket before lying down in front of the fireplace.

When Jude comes back, he’s just a little wet from the rain; he must have gone outside to close up the workshop. He notices my clothes discarded on the couch and grins, taking off his own. I hold the blanket open and wink and his smile gets even bigger. “Come here,” I request. He nods, sinking down on top of me and burying his face in my neck.

I ache for him. We were together just this morning, but that feels like it was ages ago. Luckily, Jude is just as eager. “No waiting this time,” he murmurs, kissing, licking, and sucking on my neck as I reach between us to guide him to my entrance.

He groans when he feels how wet I am, sliding slowly inside of me, making me tilt my head back and moan as his mouth finds my breasts. He rolls his hips slowly, squeezing my breasts in his big, rough palms as I twine my legs around his thighs and bury my hands in his hair. He sucks one of my nipples into his mouth and my body jerks at the sensation.

I squirm and arch my back as Jude switches nipples, making sure to roll the one he’s left behind between his dexterous fingers. His body is tight with tension and I tug on his hair, urging him upward. He kisses each of my nipples gently before licking his way up my chest and neck to my mouth, pushing all the way into me as he moves.

“Jude!” I cry out loudly, my hands gripping his shoulders tightly, kneading the muscles in his back as I adjust my legs, wrapping them around his middle to open myself up to him. He cries out my name in return and starts to thrust urgently, unable to wait any longer.

He rests his forehead against mine, opening his eyes so he can look down into mine as we make love. “Jude, I…” The words catch in my throat and he kisses me excitedly, his long fingers framing my face.

“I know, Robin. I know.” Then neither of us can say anything at all and I tumble over the edge, gasping and panting as I come. Jude quickly follows me, spilling himself inside my tight, quivering heat, thrusting until he goes soft and slips out of me.

Jude collapses on top of my shaking body, breathing hard. I hold him close, pillowing his head against my shoulder and kissing his hairline gently. He cups my cheek in his hand, his other arm looped around my shoulders as his breathing slows.

“I’ll never get enough of you, Robin,” he confesses, pressing a gentle kiss to my skin.

I smile tiredly, running my fingers through his hair and beard. “I’ll never get enough of you either, Jude.”


	6. Far Behind Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams really don’t come true.

When I wake in the morning, I’m still curled up in front of the fireplace. I can hear Jude moving around in his kitchen, so I get up, stretching and yawning before grabbing his shirt off of the couch. I don’t bother buttoning it as I go to join him.

Jude grins as I breeze through the door and lean against the counter. He’s making fresh orange juice, wearing only his worn jeans from the night before. They’re not buttoned or zipped, and I stare openly at him, fanning myself and pouting my lips at him dramatically. He blushes.

“You want some juice, sleepyhead?” he asks good-naturedly, tilting his head playfully. I slide around the counter until I’m standing next to him, running my hand through the hair on his chest and belly before I slide it into the front of his pants to cup him in my palm.

Jude moans low in his throat, curling his fingers around the back of my head and leaning into my touch. I lick my lips as he grows against my hand. “Let me taste you, Jude,” I whisper. He nods and I fall to my knees, dragging his jeans down enough to expose his burgeoning erection. He keeps his hand on the back of my head, looking down at me through lidded eyes as I grasp his hips and teasingly kiss his swollen head.

Jude rocks forward, pressing himself against my lips. I chuckle. “So eager,” I murmur, wrapping one hand around his stiff, bobbing cock and gently pulling his foreskin back before taking his head entirely in my mouth.

I look up at his face as I kiss, lick, and suck his head, swirling my tongue over it repeatedly, flicking the tip against his leaking slit, lapping up his pre-come. He’s flushed red and biting his lip, his hand tight in my hair as he starts to push his cock further between my lips. I move my hand back to his hip, urging him on, holding still so he can glide in and out at his own pace.

I start to moan, sucking and swallowing around his shaft each time it hits the back of my throat. Now that he’s found his rhythm, I move my hand again, sliding it under his balls, cupping them delicately, squeezing and kneading them. Jude groans loudly and starts to thrust faster, shaking and shuddering underneath my touch.

I feel him quiver in my mouth; his balls are high and tight. He’s about to come. I hollow my cheeks, sucking hard, reaching around and grabbing his bottom, squeezing it, pushing him all the way into my mouth and keeping him there. Jude squirms, panting and gasping, crying out my name loudly and repeatedly as he starts to come.

I swallow everything he gives me, loving the way he tastes. I stroke his sides comfortingly, soothing him until he softens. I run my tongue over him to make sure he’s clean, licking my lips and then kissing my way up his belly, licking the sweat from his skin and hair. When I stand, he wraps his arm around my waist, dropping his head to mine and kissing me eagerly.

I hold him gently, rubbing his back and stroking my hand through his soft hair. Jude buries his face in my neck and puts his other arm around me, hugging me tight. “Shh,” I coo. “It’s all right, Jude. It’s all right.”

“Do you need…?” He breathes heavily against me, still trying to form the whole question when we’re interrupted by my phone making a sound from the living room. He stops speaking, squeezing me tighter and kissing my neck. He knows who it is, and so do I.

“She’s worried about me,” I observe. “Just let me tell her what’s going on, all right?”

He nods, reluctantly letting me go. I make my way back into the other room and grab my phone, looking at the text message my mother has sent.

_I don’t know what you’re doing, but you need to come to the police station. Your great-aunt was arrested._

“Shit,” I mutter, shedding Jude’s shirt and grabbing my clothes. He wanders into the living room behind me as I hurriedly pull my dress from yesterday on, toeing my shoes out from under the couch.

“Robin? What’s wrong?” Jude wonders. I shake my head in embarrassment.

“You shouldn’t worry about it, Jude. I…” He grabs me gently by the shoulders, pulling me to him and kissing me softly. I look up at him with wide eyes.

“Tell me, Robin,” he urges, running his long fingers through my hair.

“Apparently my great-aunt was arrested,” I murmur. “I have to go to the police station.”

Jude’s response is immediate. “I’ll take you.” He buttons and zips his pants and then grabs his shirt, slipping it on.

I shake my head adamantly. “Jude, I don’t want you to see this. I…”

Jude stops me, stepping forward and cupping my face in his hands. “Robin, please. Let me help you. Let me protect you. I know how you feel about your family, but they’re part of your life right now. And so am I. So let’s do this together, and then figure out what happens next.”

I put my arms around him and bury my face in his chest. I nod, taking a deep breath. “Okay, Jude.”

****

Jude takes me to the police station on his motorcycle. Under any other circumstances, I’d enjoy the ride, but right now, I’m just anxious.

Why did my great-aunt get arrested? Why does my family need me to handle it? What am I going to say to them about Jude? How am I going to go through with this plan to stay with Jude? I have no idea where to start, and I thought I had time to figure it out, but for some reason, now I feel like my time has run out.

I walk quickly into the police station ahead of Jude while he parks his bike. My entire family, including my great-aunt, is in the lobby. I stop short when I see them, crossing my arms defensively over my chest.

None of them say anything, but they all look angry, besides my great-aunt, who just looks tired and hungover. “What were you arrested for?” I ask quietly. She doesn’t answer, and no one else does either. They brush past me and go outside. I look at the woman behind the counter and repeat my question. “What was she arrested for?”

“Public intoxication, ma’am,” she replies politely. I bite my lip. Of course.

“Is everything taken care of?”

She nods. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

“No, thank you. I’m sorry for the trouble.” I head back outside before she can answer.

My family is clustered in front of the station. Jude is hanging back by his bike, but he comes toward us once he sees me. My mother looks at him and then at me and makes a sound of disgust.

“So you were sleeping with him while your great-aunt was in trouble?” she sneers.

“You didn’t tell me she was in trouble until this morning,” I remind her quietly.

“He’s a hippie loser,” she spits, glaring at Jude balefully. “Anybody with common sense could do better.”

“Don’t call him that!” I snap. “He is my business and you can stay out of it. What do you need from me? Why am I even here? You took care of everything already.”

My mother rounds on me. “You’re here because this is your fault!” she screams. Out of the corner of my eye, I see people looking at us. I spot Grace as I respond.

“My fault?” I hiss, trying to keep my voice low. “How is this my fault? I’ve been telling you the whole time we’ve been here that she shouldn’t be drinking, but you’ve all been encouraging her! You took her to a winery for two days! What do you expect? You knew it was a problem and you’ve done nothing, but somehow it’s my fault?!”

“You’re never around!” she fires back. “You don’t care about us. You don’t love us. You only care about yourself, and you still can’t succeed! You’re a failure! You’re still in school and you’re not even doing well. Your life’s a mess. You’ll never amount to anything at this rate. Whatever you try to do, you screw up. You’re just a waste.”

I hate myself for doing it, but I start to cry.

Her words hurt.

But it hurts even more as I realize that she’s right.

No matter how hard I try, nothing turns out the way I want it to.

Suddenly, I know what I have to do.

And it breaks my heart.

“We’re leaving,” I announce firmly. “Today. You want me to be around? You want me to care? Then do what I say. Go get the car. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Fine,” my mother agrees. “I don’t want to stay in this stupid place any longer anyway.”

I know that when I turn, Jude will be behind me. I take a deep breath and face him as my family walks away. His face becomes distressed when he sees my tears. “You’re leaving?” His voice is sad and forlorn.

I nod, starting to cry harder. “Yes, I’m leaving. And, Jude, I’m… I’m not coming back.”

He looks confused. “What do you mean, not coming back?”

I shake my head at him, hardly able to speak through my tears. “She’s right, Jude. If I stay with you, I’ll just ruin your life. I ruin everything.”

He steps forward and takes my hands in his. I try to step back, but he holds my wrists so I can’t escape. “Robin, that is not true,” he insists. “You don’t ruin everything. You try, and you may not always succeed, but you keep trying. That’s not the same as failing.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jude,” I sob. “I can’t stay here. You’ll regret me staying eventually. Everyone I’ve ever known has given up on me. And I know you. You’re a good man, and you’ll try for as long as you can, but then one day you’ll realize that you’ve spent so much of your life with me and it wasn’t worth it.”

“Robin, that’s not going to happen!” he protests. “I am not going to regret you, or give up on you. Not ever. You promised me that you would fight for us!”

I finally manage to pull my hands away from his grasp. “This is me fighting for us,” I tell him miserably. “This is me fighting for your happiness, which is more important to me than anything else. Just forget me, Jude. You’ll be better off if you forget me.”

“No! I won’t forget! Robin, I…” I step close to him and put both of my hands over his mouth.

“Don’t say it, Jude. Don’t.” If he says it, I won’t go. It will be too tempting, and I’ll never forgive myself for putting my needs before his.

Now he starts to cry. He pulls my hands down. “Please, Robin,” he begs. “Please don’t go. Please. What about the rainbow? What about your dreams?”

I want to believe. I do. But I know how the world works, and I can’t change it.

I look at the bracelet he gave me. The rainbow charm dangles from it, taunting me. I slowly pull it off, placing it in his palm and folding his fingers over it.

“Dreams don’t come true, Jude. That’s why they’re called dreams.”

I turn and run, covering my ears. I don’t want to hear him call after me. I don’t want to hear him try to tell me that everything will be all right.

Nothing will ever be all right again. Not without him.

I pause at the door to our rented car, my fingers on the handle. He’s crying behind me, and I can hear Grace trying to comfort him.

But he just repeats the same thing over and over again, his sobs getting louder each time.

“She’s leaving, Grace. What do I do? What do I do?”

I open the door and get in the car. “Go, now!” I manage to order.

I dissolve completely as we drive away.

I’ve never hated myself more, but I know that I’m doing the right thing.


	7. Troubles Melt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin leaves Woodstock.

It doesn’t take long for us to pack our things and make sure the cabin is clean, despite our unexpected departure. I’m eager to be gone. Every minute that we’re here, I expect Jude to show up, and honestly, I don’t know if I could resist him again. It took all I had to walk away from him at the police station.

Finally, everything’s ready and in the car. We’ve still got a few hours of daylight left, so I insist that we start our drive home. We can always stop somewhere on the way if we have to.

I just want this whole thing over and done with.

I open the mailbox. “I already checked it!” my mother yells from the car. I wave the keys at her before slipping them inside; it’s where I was instructed to leave them when I called the rental office.

I don’t let myself hesitate. I slip into the back of the car, pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my forehead on my knees.

I don’t look up until I know we’re out of Woodstock. Then I start to cry again. I hear my mother sigh in the front seat, but she doesn’t say anything for once. I wish I could be in private to work through all of my feelings, but I don’t have that luxury right now.

We haven’t been driving for that long when my mother realizes that we need gas. Everyone gets out of the car to get snacks and drinks and stretch their legs before we continue.

I stay outside. It’s raining, which seems appropriate for my mood. All I want to do is cry for the rest of my life.

I love him. I do. And even though I didn’t let him say it, I know he loves me. I wish I was brave enough to change my life. I wish I was strong enough to believe that if I did change, it would work out.

But I’m not brave or strong enough, and he deserves better than that.

As I stare longingly down the road, the clouds break and an astonishingly bright beam of sun slips through. I shield my eyes for a moment.

When I lower it, my breath catches in my throat.

The most vivid rainbow I’ve ever seen has appeared in the sky, and it’s pronounced arc travels over the road right back to Woodstock.

Right back to Jude.

I’ve never been the kind of person who believed in signs, but this one is pretty clear.

My heart drops into my shoes and I cover my mouth as a loud sob escapes me.

What have I done?

I love Jude, and I basically told him that it didn’t matter. I promised him I would fight and I just walked away.

Can he forgive me for that?

I glance up at the rainbow again and know that I have to try.

I grab my purse out of the car, slinging it over my shoulder and starting to walk.

I don’t tell anyone that I’m leaving. Suddenly, for the first time, I don’t care what they think. I’m done letting other people tell me how to live my life or let them define the worth of my experiences.

It starts to rain harder as I keep walking; it’s not long before I’m completely drenched and shivering. But I’m not giving up. I’ll walk all night if I have to.

I’m momentarily blinded by headlights as a car drives slowly down the road. I’m a little surprised when it stops next to me, but then I see that the driver is Grace. She shoves her passenger side door open and gestures me in with her head.

“Come on, sweetheart,” she says. “Let’s get you back to Jude before the sun goes down.”

“I’ll get your car all wet,” I protest.

She waves her hand dismissively. “Like I’m worried about that.”

I step a little closer. “Why are you out here?” I wonder, stalling. I want to go back to Jude, but I’m also scared. What if I hurt him too much? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?

“Looking for you, of course.” She gestures at the rainbow. “I thought you might be reconsidering.”

I feel like I’ve been transported into a fairy tale. Rainbows acting as signs. Grace showing up like a fairy godmother. Handsome hippie prince hopefully waiting for me at the end of the story.

It’s kind of scary, to be honest. One of the first things you realize growing up is that fairy tales are fantasy and happy endings aren’t realistic.

I steel myself. Fairy tales can be real. I deserve a happy ending.

And so does Jude.

I do what Grace says, getting in the car, clutching my purse nervously in my hands.

“Does he still want me?” I ask her, hanging my head. Grace squeezes my shoulder as she turns her car around.

“There’s only one way to find out, Robin.” I nod, my stomach doing somersaults as Grace drives.

It’s not long before we’re at Jude’s house. It’s raining even harder now, but I practically have the door open before she’s even stopped the car. She grabs my arm and my head whips around so I can look at her. “I’ll be right here if you need me, all right?”

“Okay,” I answer breathlessly. The lights in Jude’s workshop are on, and he’s poking his head out of the door; he probably heard Grace’s car.

When I see him, my tears start all over again. His hair is mussed, like he’s been running his hands through it nervously, and his eyes are rimmed with red, so I know he’s been crying.

But he doesn’t hesitate. He runs to me, lifting me by the waist and spinning me around in the rain. I put my arms around his neck and melt against him, pressing my forehead against his and looking into his eyes.

“You came back,” he murmurs. “Oh, Robin, you came back.” He kisses me; his kiss is gentle, but filled with passion. “I love you, Robin,” he finally says. “I love you. I should have made you listen to me say it. I love you, and I want you to stay with me.”

“I love you, Jude,” I reply, hugging him tight. “I never should have left. I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing what was best for you, but I was wrong. I love you. Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he assures me, kissing my cheek and nuzzling my wet hair. “I’m just glad you came back. I thought it was really over when you left after reading my note.”

I blink, letting him lower me back to the ground, still clinging to him. “What note?”

Jude tilts his head. “I left you a note in the mailbox at the cabin. I knew you’d have to put the keys in there.” He frowns and runs a hand through his wet hair. “You didn’t get it?”

I shake my head. “No. There was nothing there when I…” I gasp as I realize that my mother said she checked the mailbox right before I left the keys inside. “She took it,” I whisper, balling Jude’s shirt up in my fists. “She knew it was there and she didn’t let me see it.”

For some reason, this is the thing that breaks me. My mother has been saying horrible things to me for my entire life, but as far as I know, she’s never done anything like this.

I hear another car pulling into Jude’s driveway, horn honking wildly. It skids to a stop and my mother steps out. I know she’s furious, but suddenly, I am too, and this time, I’m not keeping it to myself.

“Robin Laura Ballard!” she shrieks. Jude’s arms stiffen around me and I lean up, pressing my lips to his briefly.

“Let me handle this,” I urge him softly. “Everything will be okay.” He nods worriedly, glancing over my shoulder. I take a deep breath and turn around.

My mother repeats my full name and then stalks over to me. “What do you think you’re doing? Do you know how worried we were? I thought you were done with him!”

I skip her questions and get right to the point. “Where is it? Give it to me!” I demand, holding my hand out. She looks at me, her eyes wide in shock. We’ve argued before, but I’ve never been this direct during those confrontations.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she snaps. “Answer my questions.”

“No,” I reply firmly. “You don’t want the answers to your questions. You just want me to do what you say. That’s all you’ve ever wanted. You’ve never supported me or any of my choices. You’re only happy if I do exactly what you want, but I don’t want what you want. I want to stay here, with Jude, and that’s what I’m going to do. I want you to give me the note, because I know you have it, and then I want all of you to leave.”

“Leave?” my mother repeats incredulously.

“Yes, leave!” I finally raise my voice and start yelling. “What about that is so hard to understand? I don’t want to see you anymore until you’re ready to support me no matter what I do and what happens as a result. And I don’t think you’re ever going to be able to do that. You’ve had years to try, and you’ve never managed. So give me the note and leave.”

The thing about my mother is she likes to be in charge, but once someone stands up to her, she has a hard time holding her own. She glares at me balefully for a moment and then opens her purse, grabbing a small, folded piece of paper out of it and handing it to me.

“Fine,” she relents, her voice still angry. “Don’t come running back to me for help when your idiotic decisions don’t pan out.” She turns, stalking back to the car and stopping short when she sees Grace, who has spent this time getting the rest of my family to help her retrieve my suitcase. She hesitates, but then decides to let it go.

As she gets back in the car, I unfold Jude’s note. It’s just a few lines written in neat, cramped handwriting.

_Robin, this week has been the best time of my life. I can’t imagine not being with you. I love you. Please stay with me._

There’s so much more he could have said. I’m sure there was more he wanted to say. But the note is perfect. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.

I take a deep, shaky breath, not bothering to hold in my sob. I feel Jude come up behind me; his hands curl around my shoulders and he pulls me back against him. “Shh, Robin. It’s all right. I know that must have been hard for you, but it will be okay. I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

I turn in his arms, facing him, his note still in my hand. “I’m not upset because they left, Jude,” I tell him softly. He looks momentarily confused and I reach up, sliding my hand into his hair and pulling his head down to mine, pressing the note against his chest, keeping my palm over it. He glances at it before looking back at me, his hands curving around my waist.

I start to cry again. Jude tries to soothe me, but I shake my head. “I left and you thought I’d read this,” I whisper. “That must have hurt you so much, Jude. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” I put my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest.

Jude lifts me into his arms. He’s warm, even though we’re both soaked from the rain, and I curl into him. He puts his lips against my ear and shushes me. “Robin, I can’t even begin to tell you how much you coming back means to me. And it means even more because you didn’t read the note. You came back because you wanted to come back, not because I asked you to. You came back because it was the best thing for you, and I couldn’t be happier. Please don’t be sad.”

He kisses my cheek, nuzzling me until I smile and turn my head to look at him. He’s beaming at me, and I’m instantly calm.

He really is happy.

“I love you, Jude.”

“I love you, Robin. Now let me take you inside and get you warm. I’m worried about you being out in this rain.”

“You’re out in the rain too,” I point out shyly.

Jude grins. “Then let’s take care of each other,” he suggests.

I nod and let him carry me inside.

****

Jude takes me to his bathroom, where he finally sets me down and starts to peel off my wet clothes. I shudder, rubbing my shoulders as he starts the shower, the warm steam quickly filling the room. I help him take his clothes off too, smiling as I notice the bracelet with the rainbow charm on his wrist.

I touch the charm reverently, smiling up at him. “You’re wearing it,” I observe quietly. He nods, slipping it off and putting it back on me.

“I put it on when I was trying to figure out what to do,” he admits. “But it’s yours; I was just keeping it for a while.”

“Thank you for hanging onto it for me.” I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up to kiss him. We both shiver as we touch.

Jude laughs. “Let’s get in the shower before it gets cold, okay?”

Once we’re under the hot water, I instantly feel better. Jude insists on washing my hair, and I wash his, making sure I get his beard too. He giggles as I run my fingers through it, rubbing it all over my face teasingly. I laugh as he gets bubbles all over my face before rinsing me off.

Heat is definitely no longer a problem as Jude rubs his soap all over my body. “We never finished what we started this morning,” he rasps, teasing my hard nipples with his fingers. I turn and press my slick body against his, letting him lift my legs and brace me against the wall so he can make love to me.

I want to do more for him; I was the one who ran, after all. But he won’t let me. He just holds me up, kneading my bottom in his hands, kissing my neck and my breasts as he thrusts slowly into me. I come once and he just keeps going; I have a feeling that he’s trying to prove something. I try to speak, but I can’t because I’m coming again.

When Jude finally lets himself go, I’ve lost count of how many times I finished. “I love you, Robin,” he breathes.

“I love you, Jude.” I quiver as he lowers my legs, holding onto him tightly, trembling as he finishes cleaning me up.

After we’re dry, Jude pulls on yet another pair of ratty jeans while I grab clean panties from my suitcase, which Grace kindly left in the house after shutting up the workshop for us. Then I snuggle into one of Jude’s thermal shirts. He makes me a cup of tea while he whips up breakfast for dinner, insisting that I not do anything.

When he’s done, he sits down next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders and kissing my temple. As we eat, he rubs my shoulder gently. “This is what I want all of our days to look like,” he confesses. “Well, without the first part,” he amends. “Maybe I should use tomorrow as an example.”

I laugh and rest my head on his bare chest. He smells like eucalyptus and pine. So do I, of course, since I used his shampoo and soap. “I understand what you mean.” I wrap my arm around his waist.

Once we’re done eating, it’s dark outside. Jude leads me to the fireplace, where all of his pillows and blankets are still nestled from the previous night. We take off our clothes, throwing them on the couch. Jude starts a fire, then wraps us up in one big blanket.

I settle against Jude’s chest, his arms tight around me. The rainbow charm on my bracelet glints in the firelight and I smile. Jude notices, kissing my wrist just below the bracelet. He sighs and then softly asks, “Are you really okay, Robin?”

I crane my neck up and look at him lovingly. He smiles down at me, kissing my forehead before I respond.

“I’m really okay for the first time in my life, Jude,” I assure him. Thank you.”

“For what, Robin?” he wonders. “You don’t have to thank me for loving you.”

I lean up and kiss his cheek. “Not for loving me, silly, though I do like that.” He chuckles.

“For what, then?” he repeats curiously.

I run my fingers through his hair affectionately. “For making my troubles melt.”


	8. Where You'll Find Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happily ever after.

**Five Years Later**

I lean against the counter of the store, fanning myself with one hand and rubbing my swollen belly with the other. Bastian is kicking up a storm and I cannot get him to stop, no matter what I do.

The heat is also at a record high today. I really have to stop letting Jude knock me up in the winter. Chloe was born in August, and Bastian will be too. I’m already a week overdue, and today I finally started having real contractions.

I look up as Jude walks into the store with Sunny riding on his back and Chloe clasped in one arm. In the other, he’s cradling some sort of animal, and I can tell by the grin on his face that I’m not going to like it.

“Mommy! Look what we found!” Sunny yells excitedly. Jude winces as she screams right in his ear and I snort. Serves him right.

He gets closer and I finally see what he’s holding. My eyes get wide and I hold up my hand, shaking it at him negatively. “Get that out of the store now,” I say, my voice calm but stern. Jude has a normally adorable habit of rescuing stray animals and keeping them in the store until a home is found for them, but I draw the line at possums.

Sunny pokes her father conspiratorially and loudly whispers, “I told you Mommy wouldn’t like it, Daddy.” I raise my eyebrows at him and he blushes sheepishly.

“All right, girls, let’s take this possum over to Bruce at the shelter and see if he can figure out where the little guy belongs,” he announces, winking at me before he turns around.

Sunny laughs happily, pointing over Jude’s shoulder and yelling, “Giddy-up, Daddy!” Chloe sits placidly in her father’s arm, gripping his shirt in her tiny fist. She’s the quietest toddler I’ve ever met. The contrast seems fair; Sunny was the loudest.

“Both yours?” a woman inquires. She’s the only customer in the store at the moment.

I nod. “Only when they behave,” I joke. “Otherwise, they’re their father’s.”

She laughs, glancing at the pictures that decorate the store walls. She’s standing in front of our wedding photo. “How long have you two been married?” she wonders.

“Five years today,” I answer, smiling fondly. Jude and I got married a month after I saw the rainbow. We hadn’t known it yet, but I was already pregnant with Sunny. She was born almost exactly nine months after we first met.

I look ecstatically happy in the snapshot, and so does Jude. We’ve just finished our vows, and he’s lifting me up by the waist to kiss me.

The wedding was in Grace’s backyard. I wore a white dress from the local thrift shop, and Grace herself officiated the ceremony. It was simple and perfect.

Amazingly, I’m even happier now than I was that day. Life just keeps getting better.

“I think I’m going to take this one, by the way, Mrs. Fisher.” I snap back to reality at her words, moving slowly behind the counter.

“Wonderful. Here’s the form with our customization options. If you have questions, just let me know. And please, call me Robin.” She smiles as I hand her a pen as well and starts to write down her specifications.

We opened the store to sell Jude’s furniture a few months after we got married. Jude still can’t believe how popular his work is, but I have no problem seeing why. Everything he makes is exquisite, so people are willing to travel a long way to get it.

Jude reappears at the door and waves at the customer as she leaves, shaking her hand and thanking her for her purchase as he comes back into the store. He sees me leaning against the counter, gripping it tight and breathing through another contraction, and hurries over to me. Sunny is still clinging to him, but he lets her down before starting to rub my back soothingly.

“Thanks,” I murmur.

“How far apart?” His voice is laced with concern. I’ve given birth twice in our home, attended by him, Grace, and several others, but he still worries about me.

“Fifteen minutes,” I reply, sighing as the contraction ends. “Nothing to be excited about.” I straighten up as Sunny tugs on Jude’s pants; he lifts her up and sits her on the counter.

“Can I, Mommy?” she asks quietly. I nod, taking her little hand and placing it on the upper curve of my belly. She squeals happily as Bastian’s foot presses against her fingers, the outline clearly visible through my skin. “It’s so cool!” Once his foot disappears, she claps happily. “Can I meet him soon, Mommy?” she begs.

I smile, ruffling her hair and kissing her forehead. “Very soon, sweetie. He’s working on coming out now. He’ll probably be here today or tomorrow.”

She sighs, sounding extremely put out. She’s already disappointed in her little brother for missing her birthday a week ago. “Okay,” she grumbles grumpily, crossing her arms petulantly as Grace wanders in with Chloe. They’re both wearing flower crowns. “Auntie Grace!” Sunny calls, waving.

“Come on, Sunny,” Grace encourages. “Let’s go back outside and give your parents a minute, okay?”

“Okay!” Jude swings her back down to the floor and she runs after Grace, babbling excitedly as she follows her out the door.

I lean against Jude tiredly, letting him run his hand soothingly over my belly. I sigh as Bastian calms immediately, shaking my head. He’s only going to listen to his father once he’s born, I swear.

“You can rest at home,” Jude suggests. “There are plenty of people who would watch the store.”

I smile, reaching up and cupping his cheek in my hand, running my thumb over his lips. He kisses my finger delicately, giving me his best puppy dog eyes. Normally those would work wonders on me, but not today.

“If I stay home, I’ll just have to sit and wait,” I remind him. “At least here I’m being useful. And besides, you’re here. You know how fast it was last time with Chloe. I practically had her on the front porch.”

Jude smiles, resting his chin on my head. “Are you complaining?” he teases.

I roll my eyes. “No,” I reply firmly. “One 24-hour labor is enough for me, thank you. Remind me to taunt Sunny with that constantly once she’s old enough.”

I gasp as I feel another contraction start, reaching out for the counter again. Jude steadies me. “That was only fourteen minutes,” he observes, his voice worried once more.

“That’s the way it works, remember?” I pant. “Maybe we should both go home.”

“Okay,” Jude agrees swiftly.

He leaves me behind the counter while he sorts everything out and then we slowly walk home.

****

By dusk, I’m cleaned up and sitting in our bed, cradling our newborn son in my arms. He’s staring at me silently; he’s been quiet since Jude wrapped him up and gave him to me.

I hear a sound at the door and look up. Jude is standing there with both girls in his arms. Sunny is unusually quiet, and I know Jude must have spent a considerable amount of time making her understand that any noise too loud would frighten her baby brother.

I nod my head, motioning Jude over. He sets Sunny down on one side of me, keeping Chloe with him as he moves to the other. She’s practically asleep. Jude strokes Bastian’s thick brown hair softly, beaming at me happily. He looks at Sunny and whispers, “This is Bastian, Sunny.”

“Hi, Bastian,” Sunny murmurs. I have never heard her voice this quiet. I ruffle her unruly curls with my free hand as she leans forward, her eyes wide as she gazes at him. “Is he okay, Mommy? He’s so small.”

I smile, and so does Jude. “That’s exactly what Daddy said when you were born, Sunny,” I inform her. “He’ll grow fast, just like you did.”

“Can I hold him?”

“Of course you can. Sit next to me.” She settles against my side and holds out her arms excitedly.

I start to hand Bastian to her, showing her how to support his head. “You always need to hold him like that, okay? He’s too little to hold his own head up yet.”

“Okay, Mommy.” Sunny stays very still. “He’s not very exciting,” she muses. I giggle as Bastian starts to cry. Sunny looks alarmed. “What did I do, Mommy?!”

I run my hand through her hair again, scooping her baby brother back into my arms. “You didn’t do anything, Sunny. This is just the way he talks right now.” I snuggle him against my chest and he calms down. “That’s my sweet boy,” I coo soothingly. “Yes, yes, you’re fine.”

Grace appears in the doorway with a camera. “One more for the road?” she asks, holding it up.

Jude scoots closer, putting his arm around my shoulders, still hugging Chloe to his chest. Sunny instantly grins; she loves having her picture taken. Grace snaps the photo and then slips the camera back into her bag, walking over to retrieve Chloe from Jude. “Your fridge is stocked. The house is clean. You’ve got tons of baby supplies. I’ll put these two to bed and come back tomorrow. Will you be all right?”

Jude takes Bastian from me, beaming down at him. I lean against his shoulder heavily and smile at Grace. “We’ll be fine, Grace. And we know where to find you if we need you.” Grace nods, holding her hand out to Sunny. “Bed, Sunflower. Come on.” Sunny scrambles off the bed obediently and Grace winks at me. My daughter knows it is serious business when her full first name is used.

“Happy anniversary, Robin,” Jude murmurs after a moment of silence.

I nuzzle his shoulder with my cheek. “Enjoy it. We’ll never be able to celebrate again,” I tease.

Jude chuckles. “It’s worth it,” he answers seriously, gazing lovingly down at his son. His eyes are wet as his arm tightens around me, pulling me closer.

I start to tear up a little too. I was terrified that I would be a horrible mother, considering the example I grew up with, but I never doubted that Jude would be anything less than the world’s best father.

My family hasn’t spoken to me since the day I decided to stay with Jude. I’m not surprised, and I honestly don’t care. I have my own family now, and they’re perfect. Jude, our children, Grace, and everyone else in this town have saved me.

“He has your nose,” Jude observes, leaning down and touching his own to Bastian’s lightly. I rub his back affectionately.

“They all do. But they also all have your eyes and hair.”

“Our eyes and hair are the same,” Jude protests.

I shake my head. “No, they’re not. But they’re close.”

“Your present is in my shirt pocket,” Jude informs me quietly. I reach in and pull it out, already knowing what it is. Mine are all full; I’m due for a new one.

I slip the new bracelet onto my left wrist on top of the others. Jude gives me a new one on our anniversary every year, and for every special occasion, he gives me a charm. This is my fifth bracelet.

I run my fingers down all of the bracelets slowly. I can see my life in them. I touch the little rainbow. That was where it all started.

Then there are the wedding bells, and the little stork for when I realized I was pregnant. A pink baby bottle for Sunny, and later a sunflower and a sun for when we finally named her. Another stork and pink baby bottle for Chloe, and a third stork and a blue baby bottle for Bastian.

Others are more creative. A bluebird that Jude made me to symbolize how brave I was for deciding to stay with him. A guitar for the first time we sang together at a local festival again; now we sing at every single one, and Sunny’s started to join in. A rocking chair for when we opened the store. Jude made one for each traditional anniversary gift too. For paper, an origami heart. For cotton, a sweater like the one I made him that past Christmas. For leather, a journal like the one he got me that same Christmas. For fruit, a cluster of my favorite, pears. This anniversary is, funnily enough, wood. The lone charm on the new bracelet is a little tree.

“I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you, you know,” I say quietly, my lower lip trembling as I reach up, my fingers clutching at Jude’s shirt.

“Oh, Robin,” he murmurs, holding me against him. I see that Bastian is asleep against his chest, and that makes me tear up more. Jude leans down, pressing his forehead to mine and kissing me softly. “For what?”

I cup his cheek in my hand, stroking his dimple with my thumb. “For giving me this wonderful life, Jude. Thank you.”

Jude kisses me again. “You don’t have to thank me for this, Robin. You chose this life, just like I did, and every day you live it is a gift to me.” He looks at my new bracelet and kisses my wrist just above it as I smile up at him. “Did you get me a present?” he teases.

Right on cue, Bastian starts to cry and wriggle in Jude’s arms. I wave my hand at our newborn dramatically. “Growing your third child for nine months and then painstakingly pushing him out of my body wasn’t enough?” I joke.

Jude rolls his eyes. “Please. I was here. He basically slid right out.” I raise my eyebrows incredulously and Jude giggles, turning his attention back to Bastian, bouncing him gently in his arms. “Is he hungry?” he asks.

I nod, sitting up and baring my breast. “He hasn’t eaten since he was born. He’s been sleeping almost the whole time.” Jude hands him gently to me and I pillow him against my chest, wincing just a little as he latches on. Jude shifts so he can put his arm around me again, stroking Bastian’s hair as he drinks.

“He’s not nearly as fussy as the girls were,” Jude observes quietly. Sunny and Chloe did everything in their power to not feed for days after they were born. Sunny in particular was hard; I was so worried about being a good mother at that point that I burst into tears every time she wouldn’t eat right away and Jude would have to comfort me.

“He hasn’t been fussy at all,” I admit. “He latched on right away. And he’s been quiet.” I frown. “But now I’m jinxing it,” I add ruefully. Jude laughs.

“He’ll be a little terror by tomorrow,” he agrees, but he’s grinning.

I nod toward the dresser. “Your gift is in the bottom drawer,” I tell him. He walks over to retrieve it, turning and looking at me as he takes it out.

“Robin, you shouldn’t have.” He sits down on the bed again as Bastian finishes, opening the case as I take care of the baby. When I’m settled again, he sits beside me. Bastian is squirming against my shoulder.

“See? Totally jinxed it.” I shake my head and Jude chuckles. I nod at the ukulele. “Wood anniversary,” I remind him. “Besides, you’ve wanted one for a long time.”

He strums it softly, experimenting. Bastian immediately calms down and Jude grins. “Discovered the secret already,” he smirks. Bastian squirms again when the music stops, and then he starts to cry as thunder booms outside.

Jude glances out the window. “Well, there’s the storm they’ve been promising for a few days,” he observes. “The girls will be here in 3… 2…”

Before he can go any further, Sunny and Chloe appear in the doorway. Sunny’s eyes are wide; Chloe just looks tired. “Mommy? Daddy?” Sunny asks, her lower lip quivering.

“Come with Daddy, Sunny,” Jude says soothingly, leaving the ukulele on the bed and scooping both her and Chloe up. He sits them next to me as I try and calm Bastian down, but Bastian is not having it. Jude closes the curtains to hide the lightning as best as he can and then slides onto the bed between me and the girls, grabbing the ukulele.

Sunny snuggles into his side, whimpering softly. Jude strokes her hair and leans down to kiss her forehead. “It’s okay, Sunny. Daddy and Mommy are here.” Jude starts to strum the ukulele again, but this time he’s playing “Over the Rainbow.”

I rest my head on Jude’s shoulder as he starts to sing softly. Sunny stops whimpering and closes her eyes. Chloe is already asleep again, curled up in her sister’s lap. Bastian finally settles down, resting comfortably against my chest. I start to sing along quietly, smoothing his soft, downy hair over his little head.

By the end of the song, all three of our children are asleep. I glance at Jude, my eyes wide, and smile. He winks, mouthing, “Don’t jinx it.”

He sets the ukulele aside and leans back into the pillows, snuggling Sunny and Chloe into one side and me and Bastian into the other. I sigh, sagging against him. The rush of hormones that were energizing me after giving birth are gone; now I’m just tired. I shift Bastian so he’s resting on Jude. Jude puts one long arm around me, resting his palm gently on Bastian’s back, sliding the other around Sunny and Chloe.

“Sleep, Robin,” he murmurs. “You need it.”

I squeeze him, resting my palm over his. I’m tired, but I wouldn’t trade the family I’ve created with Jude for anything. “I love you, Jude,” I tell him softly.

“I love you, Robin.” He glances down at Bastian and grins. “Can we have more?”

I laugh, kissing his shoulder. “Yes, Jude. We can have more.”

**THE END**


	9. Family Portrait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One big happy family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fanart featured in this chapter was drawn for me by [crossthegoldendelta](https://crossthegoldendelta.tumblr.com/).


End file.
